A Wicked Parody
by Wickedly Hope Pancake
Summary: Basically what the title says: a parody of the musical Wicked. Sorry, I'm not the best at summaries. You have to read it to find out what it's about ;)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi people! So...I know a lot of people do Wicked parodies. I know. I've read a lot of them. So I though I might try my hand at writing one. Please don't kill me! *hides behind Elphaba* I owe most of my inspiration to Elle Leigh Woods. I read her fic Wicked: the parody & I nearly died laughing! You all should read it. Anyway...without further adieu...Let the parody begin!**

**Disclaimer: NO! I do not own Wicked! waaaaah! :(**

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**Ozians: **GOOD NEWS! SHE'S DEAD!

**Random Wicked fan: **NO! ELPHABA ISN'T DEAD! SHE JUST-

***Random Wicked fan is thrown out into the Lobby***

**Ozians: **Um…OH YEAH!

THE WITCH OF THE WEST IS DEAD!

THE WICKED-EST WITCH THERE EVER WAS!

THE ENEMY OF ALL OF US HERE IN OZ IS DEAD!

GOOD NEWS!

**Random guy Ozian: **HEY! LOOK OVER THERE!

**Ozian #1: **Where?

**Random guy Ozian: **THERE!

**Crazy Ozian: **IT'S A UFO!

**All Ozians: **AHHH! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

**Ozian #1: **OH, I SEE IT! Wait…what am I looking at?

***Ozian #2 hits Ozian #1 over the head with an umbrella***

**Ozian #2: **BRAINLESS! It's Glinda! DUH!

**Fiyero: *walks onstage* **Somebody call me?

**Director: **Fiyero! Get off the stage! You're not on yet!

**Fiyero:** I'm not? Darn….***walks offstage sulking***

**Director: *picks up random megaphone* **OKAY! GET ON WITH IT!

**Ozian #1: **Um…what was I saying again?

***Director facepalms***

**Glinda: **Uh, HELLO? SOMEBODY FORGET THAT I'M STILL UP HERE?

**Ozian #1: **Oh YEAH! LOOK! IT'S GLINDA!

**Ozian #2 *hits Ozian #1 with an umbrella again* **No duh, STUPID!

**Ozian #1: **OW!

**Glinda: **It's good to see me, isn't it?

**Glinda fans: **YES!

**Glinda: **No need to respond, that was…um, LINE?!

***Director hits herself with her clipboard***

**Boq: *sneaks onstage* **Rhetorical! Your line is: _No need to respond, that was RHETORICAL!_

**Glinda: **AW! Thanks Biq!

**Boq: **IT'S BOQ! ***stomps offstage***

**Glinda: **Umm…Anyway! FELLOW OZIANS!

**Ozians: **YES?

**Glinda: **LET US BE GLAD! LET US BE GREATFUL!

LET US REJOICIFY THAT GOODNESS COULD SUBDUE

THE WICKED WORKINGS OF YOU-KNOW-WHO!

**Dumb Ozian: **VOLDEMORT?!

**Harry Potter: *runs onstage* **WHO SAID HIS NAME? I HAVE A WAND AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT!

**Glinda: *twirls her wand like she does in act 2* **SO DO I!

***Ozian #2: *hits Harry Potter with her umbrella***

**Harry Potter: *falls into the Orchestra pit* **OW!

**Glinda: *stomps foot angrily* **AW, COME ON! I DIDN'T GET TO FINISH MY SONG!

**Director: **THEN GET ON WITH IT!

**Glinda: *smiles* **Okay!

ISN'T IT NICE TO KNOW

THAT GOOD WILL CONQUER EVIL?

THAT TRUTH WE ALL BELIEVE'LL BY AND BY

OUTLIVE A LIE

FOR YOU AND-

**Random Ozian: **NO ONE MOURNS THE WICKED!

**Ozian #2: *Waves umbrella around menacingly* **NO ONE CRIES THEY WON'T RETURN!

***Awkward silence***

**Ozian #3: **DANG! I MISSED MY CUE! ***Runs offstage crying and falls into the orchestra pit***

**#1 Wicked fan: *gets up onstage* **OOH! This is my big chance! ***squeals and sings WAY off-key* **

NO ONE LIES A LILY ON THEIR GRAVE!

**Ozians & Glinda: **Ummm…

**Ozian #1: *looks around confused* **Uh….A good man scorns the Wicked? I-Is that right? ***looks up at Glinda***

**Glinda: *is admiring her reflection* **Wha? Oh, um….Yeah, I think so…. ***yells at the Director* **HEY! IS THAT RIGHT?

**Director: *sinks down in her seat***

**Glinda: *shrugs* **Oh well.** *looks down at Ozians*** Now what?

**Ozian #4: **I wanna go to Friendly's!** *orchestra plays along to Friendly's jingle***

**Glinda: **Where ice cream makes the meal!

***Glinda's bubble pops and she face-plants onto the stage***

***Ozians gasp***

**Glinda: **Ow. ***Looks at her hand and screams***

**Random paramedic: *runs onstage* **What's wrong, miss? Do you need medical attention?

**Glinda: **I BROKE A NAIL! ***cries***

***paramedic rolls his eyes and walks back offstage***

**Glinda: *gets up and brushes herself off* **Well, that was fun. Now, what were we doing again?

**Random person in the audience: **GLINDA! IS IT TRUE YOU WERE HER FRIEND?

**Glinda: **Oh, Shiz...

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**On to chapter two!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay people! Here's the long-anticipated chapter two! :)**

* * *

**Random person in the audience: **GLINDA! IS IT TRUE YOU WERE HER FRIEND?

**Glinda: **Who?

**Everyone in the theatre but the Ozians: **ELPHABA!

***Ozians gasp***

**Glinda: **OH! Ye-***looks down at shocked Ozians* **-I-I mean…who?

**Director: *hits herself with her clipboard* **CUE SCENE CHANGE!

***all the Ozians are replaced with Shiz students as Glinda is transported ****Back to the Future**** I mean back to the past***

OH HALLOWED HALLS AND VINE-DRAPED WALLS

THE PROUDLIEST SIGHT THERE IS…

**Glinda: **OH MY OZ! I'M BACK AT SHIZ! Wait…what am I still doing here? I thought I graduated!

**Elphaba: *walks onstage* **Oh my Oz! I can't believe I'm here!

**Glinda: **ELPHIE! ***squeals and runs over to hug her*** YOU'RE NOT DEAD!

**Elphaba: *is slightly freaked out* **Umm…who are you and why are you hugging me?

**Galinda: *enters riding a unicorn* **Hey everybody! I'm here!

***Shiz students swarm around her***

**Glinda: **Wait! Why does she look just like me? I thought I already went to Shiz! I'M SO CONFUSED! ***runs offstage frantically***

**Galinda: **Okay, that was weird…

**Elphaba: **Ya think?

**Galinda: *screams when she sees Elphaba* **YOU'RE GREEN!

**Elphaba: *glares at Galinda* **I know.

***Frex and Nessa enter***

**Frex: **Elphaba! Stop talking! You're wasting Nessa's air!

**Elphaba: **I just stopped talking. ***glares at Frex* **I hate you. You're not my father.

**Director: *throw up her hands* **ELPHABA! JUST SAY YOUR LINES!

**Elphaba: **But you said that the Wizard-

**Director: **FORGET WHAT I SAID ABOUT THE WIZARD! YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT HIM YET! JUST SAY YOUR STINKIN' LINES!

**Elphaba: **Fine, alright! You didn't have to be so mean about it! ***turns to face the confused group of Shiz students* **YES, I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN GREEN! NO, I AM NOT SEASICK! AND NO, I DIDN'T EAT _GRASS _AS A CHILD!

***Shiz students hide behind Galinda***

**Frex: **ELPHABA! STOP TALKING!

**Elphaba: *takes off her boot and lobs it at Frex, knocking him into the orchestra pit* **NO!

**Nessa: **Father! ***looks upset* **You forgot my present!

***Frex flings the silver shoes at Nessa, hitting her in the face***

**Nessa: *falls out of her chair* **MY EYE!

**Elphaba: *walks over to her sister* **You need some help?

**Nessa: *now has a black eye* **WHAT DO YOU THINK?

***Elphaba helps Nessa back into her chair as Madam Morrible enters***

**Madam Morrible: **Welcome, new vict-I-I mean _students._ I am Madam Morrible, the head Shiz-stress here at Shiz University. ***looks around the room* **Okay, who's Galinda Upland?

**Galinda: *jumps up and down excitedly* **OOH! OOH! ME! ME! ***waves her hands around, knocking out a random Shiz student***

**Madam Morrible: **Ah….Miss Galinda.

***Galinda squeals excitedly and bounces up and down***

**Madam Morrible:** Um….yeah…***ignores Galinda and turns to Nessa and Elphaba* **Oh, you must be the Governor's daughter. Miss Nessarose, is it? What a- ***sees Nessa's black eye* **-uh, tragically beautiful face you have.

**Nessa: **It was her fault.** *points to Elphaba***

**Madam Morrible: *sees Elphaba and screams*** WHAT IN THE NAME OF OZ?

**Elphaba: *picks up the silver shoes and chucks them at Nessa, hitting her in the head again* **I'm Elphaba: The other daughter. ***smiles sardonically* **I'm beautifully tragic.

**Madam Morrible: **Yes….you are, aren't you. Well, I'm sure you're very bright…"

**Galinda: **Bright? She's phosphorescent!

**Elphaba: *picks up Nessa's shoe, ready to throw it at Galinda* **You wanna say that again, _Blondie?_

**Galinda: *looks very afraid* **No….. ***goes back to gossiping with her friends***

***Elphaba grins and hands Nessa back her shoe***

**Madam Morrible: *looks down at her clipboard* **Okay, who wants to room with the freaky green girl?

**Elphaba: **HEY!

**Boq: *randomly tells Galinda to raise her hand***

**Galinda: *raises her hand* **Boq, I don't see what this has to do with whether or not I'll go out with you.

**Madam Morrible: **Wonderful, Miss Galinda will be sharing her private suite with Miss Elphaba.

**Galinda & Elphaba: **WHAT?!

**Galinda: *slaps Boq* **NO! I will NEVER GO OUT WITH YOU!

**Boq: *sighs and walks offstage* **I was SO CLOSE!

**Madam Morrible: **And Miss Nessarose will share my personal quarters.

**Nessa: **EW! ***whines* **I don't wanna room with the fish!

**Elphaba: *looks over at her sister, the back at Galinda* **Oh, well. Nice knowing you.

**Director: **ELPHABA! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO USE YOUR MAGIC!

**Elphaba: **BUT I DON'T WANNA!

***Director takes a random guy's soda and chucks it at Elphaba's head***

**Elphaba: *gets hit in the head with a Coca-Cola can* **OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR? ***Elphaba blasts magic at the random guy, who runs away screaming***

**Madam Morrible: **I'm going to teach you sorcery!

**Elphaba: *is still a little dazed from being hit in the head with that guy's soda can***Why?...

**Madam Morrible: **Because… Because… Um…. ***looks over at the Director* **WHY DO I WANT TO TEACH THE GREEN GIRL SORCERY?

**Director: *is seriously regretting directing this musical* **BECAUSE YOU WANT HER TO BECOME THE WIZARD'S GRAND VIZIER SO YOU AND HIM CAN TAKE OVER ALL OF OZ! BUT SHE DOESN'T KNOW! NOW GET ON WITH IT!

**Madam Morrible: **Oh. ***looks over at Elphaba* **How much of that did you hear?

**Elphaba: **WHAT? I THINK I HAVE A CONCUSSION! ***falls over***

**Madam Morrible: *looks down at Elphaba and pokes her with a random stick* **I think we need a nurse in here! NURSE?

**Nurse: *runs onstage* **OKAY! WHO'S DYING?

**Madam Morrible: *still poking Elphaba with a stick* **THE GREEN GIRL HAS A CONCUSSION

**Nurse: *screams* **ON MY OZ! WHY IS SHE GREEN?

**Galinda: **Well, OBVIOUSLY SHE WAS BORN THAT WAY!

**Morrible: *gasps dramatically* **REALLY?

**Director: *facepalms* **GALINDA! YOU DON'T DEFEND ELPHABA! YOU HATE HER, REMEMBER?

**Galinda: **OH, RIGHT! ***throws a shoe at Elphaba* **I HATE YOU!

**Director: *stares at Galinda curiously* **MORRIBLE, GET ELPHABA OFFSTAGE!

**Madam Morrible: **OKAY! ***pushes Elphaba offstage* **NOW ALL OF YOU SHOO! THIS SCENE IS OVER! ***shoos away the Shiz students***

**Galinda: **WAIT! I DIDN'T GET TO PROTEST ROOMING WITH THE GREEN GIRL!

**Director: **YOU DO THAT IN A DIFFERENT SCENE! REMEMBER?

**Galinda: **Oh. Okay! ***skips away offstage***

**Nessa: **Wait… DOES THAT MEAN I STILL HAVE TO ROOM WITH MORRIBLE?

***random shoes fly from offstage, knocking Nessa out of her chair again***

**Nessa: **OW! WOULD YOU PEOPLE QUIT THROWING SHOES AT ME?

* * *

**Well, should I continue? :) **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey people! Chapter 3!**

* * *

***Galinda and Elphaba are in their dorm room, writing letters home***

**Elphaba: *has mysteriously healed from her concussion last chapter* **HEY, BLONDIE! Can I borrow a pen? Mine broke.

**Galinda:** SURE! HERE!** *chucks a pen at Elphaba, hitting her in the face***

**Elphaba: **OW! MY EYE!

**Galinda: *ignores Elphaba* **Hey, green girl? Can I read you my letter? Ya know, just so I make sure there's no horrendible mistakes in it?

**Elphaba: **Sure, knock yourself out.

***Galinda picks up a giant rubber mallet***

**Elphaba:** I DIDN'T MEAN IT LITERALLY!

**Galinda: ** Oh. ***throws rubber mallet into the audience***

**Random audience member:** MY FACE!

**Galinda: **ANYWAY, I'M GONNA READ MY LETTER NOW!

**Elphaba: **Okay. ***goes back to writing her letter* **YA KNOW WHAT? ***stands up*** I'M GONNA READ MINE TOO!

**Galinda & Elphaba: **

THERE'S BEEN SOME CONFUSION OVER ROOMING HERE AT SHIZ

**Elphaba: **But of course, I took care of Nessa ***grins evilly***

**Galinda: *backs away slowly*** But of course, I'll stay away from my roommate...

FOR I KNOW THAT'S HOW YOU'D WANT ME TO RESPOND,

YES,

THERE'S BEEN SOME CONFUSION FOR YOU SEE MY ROOMMATE IS-

**Galinda: *looks over at Elphaba* **Umm...how should I put this? Unusually and exceedingly _peculiar_ and altogether...quite _impossible to describe..._

**Elphaba: *glares at Galinda*** BLONDE!

**Galinda: **HEY!

**Elphaba: **Well, you could've just said GREEN!

**Galinda: **I WAS TRYING TO BE NICE!

**Elphaba: **Oh.

**Director: *throws a shoe at Galinda* **NO! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HATE HER! YOU DON'T WANT TO BE NICE TO HER UNTIL _AFTER _THE DANCE!

**Galinda: *squeals excitedly* **OOoooh! WHAT DANCE?

**Director: *slaps herself* **JUST SING THE DARN SONG ALREADY!

**Galinda: *grumbles* **Fine...

WHAT IS THIS FEELING

SO SUDDEN AND NEW?

**Elphaba:**

I FELT THE MOMENT I LAID EYES ON YOU

**Galinda:**

MY PULSE IS RUSHING

**Elphaba:**

MY HEAD IS REELING

**Galinda:**

MY FACE IS FLUSHING!

WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

**Elphaba: *raises her hand* **Umm... excuse me? This isn't a Gelphie, is it?

**Director: **What do you mean?

**Elphaba: **Well, I'm just saying...this whole song sounds like it belongs in a Gelphie. I mean, come on! _MY PULSE IS RUSHING? MY HEAD IS REELING? MY FACE IS FLUSHING?_ It sounds a lot more like-

**Director: **LOATHING! THE SONG'S SUPPOSED TO BE ABUT HOW MUCH YOU LOATHE YOUR ROOMMATE!

**Elphaba: **OH...Nevermind!

**Galinda: *looks confused* **What's a Gelphie?

**Director: **NEVERMIND WHAT A GELPHIE IS! JUST SING THE SONG!

**Elphaba and Galinda: **Okay, Okay!

WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

FERVID AS A FLAME

DOES IT HAVE A NAME?

YES...

**Director: **JUST GET ON WITH IT!

**Elphaba & Galinda: **

LOATHING! UNADULTERATED LOATHING!

**Galinda: **FOR YOUR FACE

**Elphaba: **YOUR VOICE:

**Galinda: **YOUR CLOTHING, YOUR HAIR, YOUR SHOES, YOUR SKIN, YOUR VOICE, YOUR ATTITUDE, YOUR PERSONALITY, YOUR SHOES, YOUR WARDROBE, YOUR-

**Elphaba: **OKAY! OKAY! I GET IT! ***pushes Galinda into the orchestra pit***

**Director: **ELPHABA! BE NICE!

**Elphaba: *is confused* **WAIT...I thought you said we were supposed to HATE each other?

**Director: **NO! wait...***flips through the script* **Um, okay...I guess you have a point there...BUT I NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT PUSHING GALINDA OFF THE STAGE!

**Galinda: *walks back onstage eating ice cream* **HEY! WHAT DID I MISS?

**Elphaba: **NO FAIR! WHERE'D YOU GET THE ICE CREAM?

**Galinda: **THE NICE ORCHESTRA GUY GAVE IT TO ME. THEY HAVE A WHOLE ICE CREAM BAR DOWN THERE!

***Elphaba jumps off the stage***

**Galinda:** HAHA! THERE WAS NO ICE CREAM! I BOUGHT IT IN THE LOBBY!

***Elphaba cackles and a tuba flies out of the orchestra pit and knocks Galinda off the stage***

**Galinda:** OW! MY FACE! I LOATHE YOU!

**Elphaba: *climbs back up on the stage* **

AND I WILL BE LOATHING

LOATHING YOU!

MY WHOLE LIFE LONG!

**Galinda:** BOO! *throws** her ice cream at Elphaba, hitting her in the face***

**Elphaba: ** AAAHHHH! ***falls offstage on top of Galinda***

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**A/N: Well? Do you like it? Is it horrendible? I DARE YOU TO JOIN THE REVIEW REVOLUTION AND REVIEW IT! (if you don't know what it is, check out my profile) **


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks to those three people who reviewed! (you know who you are! Free copies of the Grimmerie for you guys!) Now...Chapter four! Here goes nothing!**

* * *

** *Everyone is in Doctor Dillamond's History class. (except for Morrible)***

**Elphaba:*is reading a book***

**Galinda: *is gossiping with her friends***

**Boq: *is staring longingly at Galinda***

**Nessa: *is staring longingly at Boq***

**Doctor Dillamond: *enters the classroom* **HELLO CLASS!

**Shiz students: **Hello...***go back to doing whatever they were doing before***

**Doctor Dillamond: *picks up a stack of papers*** I have read some of your most recent essays, and I have to say. They are VERY DELICIOUS. ***Takes a bite out of one of the papers* **Mmm! Shakespeare!

**Elphaba: **WAIT! What grade did I get?

**Doctor Dillamond: *takes paper out of his mouth and looks at it* **Umm... Miss Elphaba... You got an... ***stares at soggy paper* **AN A+!

**Elphaba: **YAAAAY! ***jumps up and down***

**Galinda: **What grade did I get?

**Doctor Dillamond: **Umm...yes...Miss Glinda...***looks through stack of papers***

**Glinda: *stomps foot* **IT'S GAH-linda! WITH A GAH!

**Doctor Dillamond: *still looking through papers* **Oh, of course...Miss GLLinda. ***finds Galinda's essay* **Oh, here it is! You fail.

**Galinda: **WHAT? WHY?

**Doctor Dillamond: **Miss GLLinda,

**Galinda: **IT'S GAH-LINDA!

**Doctor Dillamond: *nods* **That's what I said: Miss GLLLinda. Your paper was...well..._interesting._ But sadly, it was very poorly written. The structure was terrible, the grammer was even worse. And don't even get me started on the-

**Galinda: **JUST TELL ME WHY I FAILED! I DON'T UNDERSTAND SMART-PERSON TALK!

**Elphaba: *stands up* **First of all, Doctor Dillamond is an ANIMAL! NOT A PERSON!

**Doctor Dillamond: *walks over to Galinda* **Thank you, Miss Elphaba. But I can handle this. ***turns to Galinda, speaking slowly and nodding* **YOUR ESSAY WAS ONLY TWO PAGES LONG AND YOU DON'T WRITE GOOD.

**Galinda: *nods* **OH...Okay!

***Elphaba rolls her eyes***

**Doctor Dillamond:** Now, class. ***turns to blackboard* **Who can tell me what started the Great Ozian War of 1812?

***Elphaba raises her hand***

**Doctor Dillamond: *looks around the classroom* **Anyone ELSE besides Miss Elphaba?

**Galinda: *waves her hands around* **OOH! OOH! ME! MEEEEEE!

**Doctor Dillamond: **YES! Miss GLLLINDA!

**Galinda: *stomps her foot* **OH, COME ON! CAN'T YOU AT LEAST TRY TO GET MY NAME RIGHT?

**Doctor Dillamond: **I AM! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR A GOAT TO TALK? JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION!

**Galinda: **Oh, I don't know the answer.

**Doctor Dillamond: **THEN WHY DID YOU RAISE YOUR HAND?

**Galinda: **Oh. I dunno.

**Director: **OH FOR THE LOVE OF OZ! JUST FLIP THE DANG CHALKBOARD!

**Doctor Dillamond: **Okay. ***flips chalkboard and finds written on it in red paint: ANIMALS SHOULD BE SEEN AND NOT HEARD***

***Shiz students gasp***

**Doctor Dillamond: *throws the globe at the chalkboard* **NO! ***throws his desk at the chalkboard***

**Elphaba: **Doctor Dillamond? I don't think throwing things is going to help.

**Doctor Dillamond:** ROOOAARR! ***picks up random Shiz Student and throws him at the chalkboard* **WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS? ***throws a bench at the chalkboard* **WHO?** *throws a chair at the chalkboard* **WELL? I'M WAITING!

***all Shiz Students except Elphaba all run out of the classroom screaming***

**Nessa: *is freaking out* **ELPHABA! PUSH ME OUT OF HERE! THAT GOAT IS CRAZY!

***Elphaba shoves Nessa off the stage into the Orchestra pit***

**Nessa: **AHH! ELPHABA! I HATE YOU!

**Elphaba: *ignores Nessa and goes over to Doctor Dillamond, who has run out of things to throw* **Animals should be seen and not heard? Doctor Dillamond, I'm so sorry.

**Doctor Dillamond: **Oh, don't worry about me, Miss Elphaba. Just go and have fun with your friends.

**Elphaba: **I have no friends. ***randomly pulls a sandwich out of her pocket* **Would you like to share my lunch?

**Doctor Dillamond: *takes the sandwich and eats it* **Mmm! Salami! ***hands Elphaba the paper* **HERE YOU GO!

**Elphaba: *takes the paper and looks at it* **Umm...thanks?

**Doctor Dillamond: **No problem. ***finishes Elphaba's sandwich* **Miss Elphaba, there is something BAD happening in Oz!

**Elphaba: **Like what?

**Doctor Dillamond: **Animals are losing the ability to speak!

**Elphaba: **Then how come YOU'RE still talking? Hm?

**Doctor Dillamond: **I MEAN OTHER ANIMALS!

I HEARD OF AN OX

A PROFESSOR FROM QUOX-

**Elphaba: **Wait just a second...didn't you say that YOU were the ONLY ANIMAL TEACHER LEFT?

**Doctor Dillamond: **Did I? ***looks at the Director*** DID I?

**Director: **YES! NOW SING! THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A MUSICAL! ***throws a clarinet at Elphaba***

**Elphaba:** WHAT ARE YOU THROWING STUFF AT ME FOR? HE'S THE ONE WHO'S SUPPOSED TO BE SINGING!***points to Doctor Dillamond***

**Director: *throws a violin at Doctor Dillamond* **SING!

**Doctor Dillamond: **Okay! Just stop throwing musical instruments!

SOMETHING BAD IS HAPPENING IN OZ!

**Elphaba: **

SOMETHING BAD? HAPPENING IN OZ?

**Doctor Dillamond: **YES! DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME? I SAID, SOMETHING BAAAAAD WAS HAPPENING IN OZ!

**Elphaba: **SOMETHING BAD? HAPPENING IN OZ?

**Doctor Dillamond: **THAT'S WHAT I SAID!

**Elphaba: **Oh. Okay.

***Doctor Dillamind glares at her***

**Elphaba: **WHAT?

**Doctor Dillamond: *sighs* **Okay, let me re-phrase this: YOU NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

**Elphaba: *screams & falls off her chair* **OKAY! Wait...HOW am I supposed to do something about it?** *Doctor Dillamond hands her a copy of the script, which she reads.*** AAAHHH! I'm gonna DIE?

**Doctor Dillamond: *takes the script away from Elphaba and eats it* **Well, No. Not exactly. You only _pretend_ to die so that all of Oz will let you and Fiyero be happy and run away together. And the only way they'll let you do that is if they think you're dead. They think you're a Wicked Witch already, so you pretend to die so the Gale Force will stop trying to kill you and you can flee Oz.

**Elphaba: *is REALLY confused* **WHAT? _I'M _THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST? AND ALL OF OZ WANTS ME DEAD? AND WHO THE HECK IS THIS FIYERO GUY?

**Director: **YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO KNOW ANY OF THAT! ***glares at Doctor Dillamond***

**Doctor Dillamond: **Sorry!

**Director: *throws her clipboard at Doctor Dillamond* **WHERE'S YODA?

**Yoda: *walks onstage* **YOU WILL REMEMBER NOTHING THAT THE GOAT TOLD YOU. ***waves his hand in front of Elphaba***

**Elphaba: *is in a Jedi mind trance* **I will remember nothing that Doctor Dillamond told me. ***snaps out of her trance & looks down at Yoda* **OMG! YOU'RE GREEN TOO! OMG! OMG! OMG! ***squeals and hugs Yoda***

**Yoda: *looks at the Director* **COMING OUT OF MY PAYCHECK THIS IS. ***pats Elphaba on the head* **I'm gonna go now... ***runs frantically offstage***

**Elphaba: *looks disappointed* **WAIT! WHERE ARE YOU GOING? COME BACK LITTLE GREEN MUNCHKIN DUDE! ***runs offstage after Yoda***

**Doctor Dillamond: *is left alone onstage* **Umm...DO I STILL HAVE TO SING?

**Director: *slaps herself* **CUE SCENE CHANGE!

* * *

**I know, not my best chapter. But I promise: Chapter 5 will be better! :D (hopefully...)**


	5. Chapter 5

**HEY EVERYBODY! Thank you sooo much for all your reviews! Free flying monkeys for all of you****!  
This chapter will probably be pretty long, but bear with me. I promise It'll be funny!**

**Oh, and free Fiyeros for anyone who reviews! :D (if you're a guy, I'll send you a Glinda)**

* * *

***the stage is set***

**Elphaba: *is sitting under a tree, reading a book***

**Galinda: *is off somewhere hiding from Boq***

**Boq: *is off somewhere stalking Galinda***

**Nessa: *is off somewhere stalking Boq***

***Fiyero enters, asleep in his carriage***

**Averic: *is seriously out of breath* **WE'RE *gasp* HERE *gasp* PRINCE *gasp* FIYERO! ***loses consciousness and falls off his bike into the orchestra pit***

***meanwhile, the carriage rolls over Elphaba, who is still reading***

**Elphaba: *is now under Fiyero's carriage* **OW! WHAT THE HECK? ***gets up and punches Fiyero in the face***

**Fiyero:** AW, NOT THE FACE!

**Director: **NO! BAD ELPHABA! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HIT_ HIS HEAD_ _WITH YOUR BOOK!_ NOT HIS FACE WITH YOUR FIST!

**Elphaba: *scowls* **WELL, HE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO RUN ME OVER! ***hits Fiyero over the head with her book* **THERE! HAPPY?

**Fiyero: **OW! ***glares at Elphaba***

**Director: *facepalms* **_Yes,_ Elphaba. That was better. NOW GET ON WITH THE SCENE!

**Galinda: *runs onstage and hides behind Elphaba* **EEK! Elphie, HELP! That little munchkin Biq won't leave me alone! ***grabs Elphaba by the shoulders and shakes her*** HELP ME!

**Boq: **WAIT UP, MISS GALINDA!

**Elphaba: *looks a Galinda* **You're on your own. BYE! ***runs away***

**Boq: *catches up to Galinda*** MISS GALINDA! THERE YOU ARE! I JUST WANTED TO SAY- ***Galinda clamps a hand over his mouth***

**Galinda- **Not now, Biq. DO YOU KNOW WHO THAT IS? ***looks over at Fiyero dreamily***

**Boq: *blushes* **You're touching me! ***falls over***

**Fiyero: *notices Galinda & walks over to her*** Hi, I'm Prince Fiyero. ***winks* **Hey, do you by any chance know how to get to... ***pulls out a paper and reads something off of it* **Doctor Dillamond's classroom?

**Galinda: *squeals* **OH MY OZ, THAT'S PERFECT!

***Fiyero takes a step back, looking a little scared***

**Galinda: *leans over to Fiyero*** I mean, HI! I'M GALINDA UPLAND! WANNA GET MARRIED? ***hugs Fiyero***

**Boq: *regains consciousness and jumps in between Fiyero and Galinda* **HI! I'M BOQ, Galinda's BOYFRIEND.

**Galinda: **EW! NO YOU'RE NOT! ***pushes Boq away***

**Fiyero:** So...what should we do now that class is over?

**Boq:*speaks slowly* **You know there are more classes, right?

**Fiyero: *shrugs* **Personally, I could care less. You see,

THE TROUBLE WITH SCHOOLS IS

THEY ALWAYS TRY TO TEACH THE WRONG LESSON

BELIEVE ME,

I'VE BEEN KICKED OUT OF ENOUGH OF THEM TO KNOW

**Boq: **So, exactly HOW many schools HAVE you been kicked out of?

**Galinda: *hits him over the head with her purse* **LET THE SCADALACIOUS PRINCE SING, BIQ!

**Boq: **You hit me with your purse! ***faints again***

**Fiyero: *continues singing***

THEY WANT YOU TO BECOME LESS CALLOW,

LESS SHALLOW ***looks over at Galinda***

BUT I SAY WHY INVITE STRESS IN?

STOP STUDYING STRIFE,

AND LEARN TO LIVE THE UNEXAMINED LIFE...

***randomly jumps onto a statue***

DANCING THROUGH LIFE

SKIMMING THE SURFACE

GLIDING WHERE TURF IS SMOOTH

LIFE'S MORE PAINLESS,

FOR THE BRAINLESS

WHY THINK TOO HARD?

WHEN IT'S SO SOOTHING

DANCING THROUGH LIFE

NO NEED TO TOUGH IT

WHEN YOU CAN SLOUGH IT OFF AS I DO

NOTHING MATTERS, BUT KNOWING NOTHING MATTERS

WHEN YOU'RE DANCING THROUGH

**Fiyero: **So, what's the most swankified place in town?

**Random Shiz girl: **THAT WOULD BE THE OZ DUST BALLROOM!

**Galinda: *shoves Random Shiz girl into the orchestra pit* **NO! THAT WAS MY LINE! LINE STEALER! ***turns back to Fiyero, smiling sweetly* **THAT WOULD BE THE OZ DUST BALLROOM!

**Fiyero: **Uhh...

**Boq: *jumps in front of Galinda* **GALINDA IS GOING TO THE DANCE WITH ME!

**Galinda: **EW! NO I'M NOT! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO MADE ME ROOM WITH ELPHABA! ***looks thoughtful* **Although...she's actually not all that bad...BUT STILL!

**Boq: **Actually...Morrible was the one that made you. Not me.

**Galinda: **OH, JUST BE QUIET!

**Nessa: *is randomly wheeling around the stage* **

**Galinda: *pushes Boq over to Nessa* **HEY, NESSA! HERE'S YOUR DATE FOR THE DANCE TONIGHT! BYE! ***runs off to find Fiyero***

**Nessa: *is overjoyed*** HI BOQ! WANNA GET MARRIED? ***hugs Boq***

**Boq: *is very, VERY AFRAID. and also sort of dissapointed* **But I wanna go with Glinda...

* * *

**Elphaba: *is in Morrible's room, helping Nessa get ready for the Dance*** So, let me get this straight. Galinda _gave _you Boq?

**Nessa: *nods* **Yeah! Sorta like a present, only not really 'cause he's alive. ***looks all dark and scary* **But he's MINE.

**Elphaba: *is scared* **Okay...You can have him. But remember, he's not a puppy. He's a person.

**Nessa: *ignores Elphaba* **So, where do ya think he'll sleep? I was thinking I'd buy him a bed. Oooh! And maybe a collar and a leash, too!

**Elphaba: *is seriously freaked out* **Okay! I'm gonna go now! ***runs away very fast***

***Morrible walks into the room***

**Nessa: *smiles*** I got a Boyfriend!

**Morrible: **Oh. That's nice. I'm going to go...do...something...NOW. ***runs away very fast (which is actually pretty slow, but very fast for Morrible)***

**Nessa: *looks at a plant*** Hey, GUESS WHAT? I got a boyfriend!

* * *

**Galinda: *is getting ready for the dance***

**Elphaba: *is reading a book***

**Galinda: *is freaking out* **ELPHIEEEEEEE! I don't have anything to wear!

**Elphaba: *doesn't look up from her book* **Then go naked.

**Galinda: **...Okay! ***begins stripping***

**Elphaba: *looks up at Galinda and screams* **AHH! GALINDA, I DIDN'T MEAN IT! I WAS BEING SARCASTIC!

**Galinda: **Oh.

**Elphaba: **You _really_don't understand sarcasm, do you?

**Galinda: *****is still naked and confused* **No.

**Elphaba: *facepalms* **PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON!

**Galinda: **Okay! ***begins putting her clothes back on***

**Elphaba: *rolls her eyes* **Blonde.

** Galinda: *ignores Elphaba* **Sooo...Elphie. Is it alright if I call you Elphie?

**Elphaba: **No.

**Galinda: *ignores her* **Are you gonna go to the dace?

**Elphaba: **NO.

**Galinda: *has her dress back on now* **WHY NOT?

**Elphaba: *goes back to reading* **I don't like people. Or parties.

**Galinda: *stares at her* **I'm gonna give you a hat.

**Elphaba: **Why?...

**Galinda: *pulls the witch hat out of her closet* **Well, one: because that mean Director lady told me to.

***Director throws a pretzel at Galinda***

**Galinda:** And two: I don't like it. It's black and I NEVER wear black. But you wear it all the time! So...I figured YOU should have it! ***holds it out to Elphaba***

**Elphaba: *just stares at the hat***

**Galinda:** Well? Aren't you gonna take it?

**Elphaba: **Um...It's not gonna talk if I put it on my head, right?

**Galinda: **Umm...no... Why would it?

**Elphaba: *takes hat from Galinda* **It's a LONG story.

* * *

***Everybody is at the dance***

**Fiyero: *is dancing with Galinda* **

NOW THAT WE'VE MET ONE ANOTHER

**Galinda:**

IT'S CLEAR WE DESERVE EACH OTHER!

**Fiyero: **You're perfect.

**Galinda:** YOU'RE PERFECT! ***squeals and hugs him***

**Both:** SO WE'RE PERFECT TOGETHER

BORN TO BE FOREVER

DANCING THROUGH LIFE!

**Boq: *is wearing the collar that Nessa bought him* **Umm...Can I take this collar off? It's getting itchy.

**Nessa: *looks all dark & scary again* **NO! ***looks all normal again* **What's in the punch?

**Boq: *is very freaked out* **Lemons and melons and pears.

**Nessa: **Oh, my!

**Boq: *cowers in a corner* **Please don't hurt me!

**Nessa: **Aw, Boq! I would never hurt you!

**Boq: *tries to walk over to the punch bowl, but Nessa puts a leash on his collar* **Umm...Nessa? I don't think you understand the concept of "boyfriend"

***Meanwhile, Morrible pokes Galinda with a stick***

**Galinda: *stops dancing with Fiyero and looks at Morrible*** Why are you poking me with a stick?

**Morrible: **I don't want to catch your "Perky-ness" ***shudders* **Anyway, I have to give you this. ***chucks a training wand at Galinda***

**Galinda:** OH MY OZ! A TRAINING WAND! Wait...what is this for?

**Morrible: **I'm gonna teach you sorcery

**Galinda: *is confused* **Why?...

**Morrible: **Your roommate told me to. I don't know why. My personal theory is that you don't have what it takes ***acts all British* **I hope you prove me wrong ***scowls* **I doubt you will

***The music stops as Elphaba walks into the middle of the room carrying her hat. She puts it on and starts doing The Elphie***

**Fiyero: *is laughing*** Who is that?

**Galinda: *looks embarrassed* **That's my roommate.

**Fiyero: **Oh... ***puts his hand on Galinda's shoulder* **I am sorry for you.

***Elphaba starts doing Gangnam style***

**Fiyero: *looks at Elphaba dancing* **Well, she _obviously_ doesn't care what other people think.

***Elphaba starts doing the Harlem shake***

**Galinda: *stares at** **Elphaba*** Yeah.

**Director: *takes some random guy's phone and chucks in at Galinda, hitting her on the head***

**Galinda: **OW! WHAT THE HECK? ***looks down and picks up the phone* **Oooh! Android 5g! ***starts to text one of her friends***

***Director takes a random guy's soda and chucks it at Galinda, hitting her on the head again***

**Galinda: *drops the phone* **OW! AGAIN! WHY DO YOU KEEP THROWING THINGS AT ME?!

**Director: **BECAUSE YOU KEEP MESSING UP THE PLAY! YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO AGREE WITH FIYERO! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO FEEL BAD FOR ELPHABA AND START DANCING WITH HER!

**Galinda: **Okay, OKAY! JUST STOP YELLING AT ME!

**Director: *is ready to strangle Galinda, but talks in a normal voice* **Alright. Just. Go. And. Dance. With. Elphaba. ***picks up a random pillow and screams into it***

**Galinda: *walks over to Elphaba, who is doing the Electric slide* **Mind if I cut in?

**Elphaba: *looks at Galinda* **

**Galinda: *starts doing the twist***

**Elphaba: *starts doing the Cha-cha slide**

***suddenly, music starts playing again***

**Galinda: *starts doing the Elphie, but actually makes it look good***

**Elphaba: *follows what Galinda is doing***

***Everybody randomly starts doing the Elphie***

DANCING THROUGH LIFE!

***DJ puts on One Direction, and all the girls scream. (except for Elphaba)***

**Elphaba: **KILL ME NOW!

**Galinda:** Okay! ***picks up a spork and holds it to Elphaba's neck* **Wait...was that sarcasm?

**Elphaba: **YES! ***looks over and sees Nessa trying to make Boq come back to her room with her* **WHAT THE HECK?

**Galinda: *looks over at Boq and Nessa*** Is Boq on a leash?

**Elphaba: *nods* **I think we need to explain to Nessa the concept of "Boyfriend"

**Galinda: **Yeah, before she tries to put him in a dog carrier

**Elphaba: *looks disturbed* **Too late.

* * *

**Well, what do ya think? Remember: free Fiyero for everyone who reviews!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Okay, chapter 6! Read&Review please! :)**

* * *

***Galinda and Elphaba are sitting on their beds in their dorm room after they rescued Boq from Nessa***

**Galinda:** So, do you think Boq is going to be okay?

**Elphaba: **I think so. He'll probably need some therapy, though. I just hope that Nessa understands the concept of a "boyfriend" now.

**Galinda: *shudders* **She really doesn't have much experience with guys, does she?

**Elphaba: **Nope.

**Galinda: **I can see why. ***is silent for a minute* **SOooo... Elphaba! That was your VERY FIRST PARTY? EVER?

**Elphaba: *looks totally serious* **Do funerals count?

**Galinda:** Huh. ***stares curiosly at her* **YOUR VERY FIRST PARTY! ***squeals***

**Elphaba: **Umm...yeah. Why is this such a big deal?

**Galinda: **BECAUSE IT IS! ***bounces up & down on her bed* **Oooh! I KNOW! Let's tell secrets!

**Elphaba: **Let's NOT and say we did.

**Galinda: *ignores Elphaba* **Okay! I'll go first! ***runs over to Elphaba's bed and jumps onto it, knocking Elphaba off***

**Elphaba: *is now on the floor* **OW. ***glares at Galinda* **I don't like you.

**Galinda: **Well, too bad 'cause now we have to like each other. ***looks all serious. Then smiles like a lunatic* **Okay, SECRET TIME! ***takes a deep breath* **Fiyero and I-are going to be-MARRIED! ***squee***

**Elphaba: *gets up and pushes Galinda off her bed*** He's asked you already?

**Galinda: *falls on the floor & smiles* **Oh, he doesn't know yet!

**Elphaba: **...Okay...

**Galinda: *gets up and pokes Elphaba* **Your turn!

**Elphaba: *glares at Galinda* **No. ***picks up a book and begins reading***

**Galinda: *takes Elphaba's book and chucks it into the orchestra pit* **NO! BAD ELPHABA! ***looks menacing* **NOW TELL ME A SECRET!

**Elphaba: *scoots away from Galinda* **Oookaaay...like what?

**Galinda: **Um...I Dunno... ***picks up Elphaba's pillow* **Ooh! shiny! ***se****es Elphaba's green bottle and picks it up***

**Elphaba: *is freaking out* **GIVE THAT BACK!

**Galinda: *is having fun* **No!

**Elphaba: *looks like she wants to murder a certain blonde* **I said: GIVE IT BACK!

**Galinda: *is clueless* **Nope! What's the big deal about this little bottle anyway?

**Elphaba: *grabs the bottle and pushes Galinda into the orchestra pit* **IT WAS MY MOTHER'S! THERE, HAPPY?!

**Galinda: *has her head stuck in a tuba* **No... ***climbs back onstage with the tuba still on her head***

**Elphaba: *is cracking up***

**Galinda: *still has her head stuck in a tuba*** Elphie? ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME? GET THIS THING OFF OF ME!

**Elphaba: *can't stop laughing* **Hang on, in a minute ***pulls out a smartphone and takes a picture***Okay, I'm good. Now get your blonde butt over here!**  
**

**Galinda: *still inside the tuba* **HEY!

**Elphaba: **Do you want that thing off your head or not?

**Galinda: **Yes. ***walks over to Elphaba and starts dancing (in the tuba)***

**Elphaba:** Okay, just...hold still!

***pulls the tuba off Galinda* **There. Better?

**Galinda: **I can see! ***hugs Elphaba* **THANK YOU ELPHIEEEE! Being inside that tuba was so scary! I thought I'd never be able to wear lipstick ever again!

**Elphaba: **You were stuck in a tuba and THAT'S the first thing you worry about? ***chucks the tuba back into the orchestra pit***

**Random** **musician:** MY FACE!

**Galinda:** Yes!** *is confused* **Wait...was that sarcasm?

**Elphaba: **No...

**Galinda: **Okay. ***stares at Elphaba for a long time* **

**Elphaba:** What?...

**Galinda: **I'M GONNA GIVE YOU A MAKEOVER! YOU'RE WELCOME! ***takes out a random tube of lipstick***

**Elphaba: **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ***slaps the lipstick out of Galinda's hand and runs away***

**Galinda: *runs after Elphaba and drags her back onstage*** NO! BAD ELPHIE! ***sits Elphaba down on her bed and hits her over the head with her training wand* **WE DO NOT SLAP MY LIPSTICK! NO! ***hits her over the head again***

**Elphaba:** I AM NOT A PUPPY! DO I NEED TO GIVE YOU THE SPEECH WE GAVE TO NESSA?

***Galinda is about to hit Elphaba over the head again with her wand***

**Elphaba: *looks all dark and scary* **DO THAT AGAIN AND I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF.

**Galinda:** Okay... ***slowly put her wand on the shelf and backs away* **Elphie, can't I just put some lipstick on you?

**Elphaba: *glares* **NO.

**Galinda: **Elphieeeee! Please? Pleeeeeease? PLEASE? ***begins to scream like Zuri on Jessie* **PLEEEEEASE?

**Elphaba: *loses it* **Okay! OKAY! Just stop the SCREAMING!

**Galinda: *smiles* **Okay! ***pulls out lipstick and begins putting it on Elphaba***

POPULAR!

YOU'RE GONNA BE POPULAR!

***Elphaba is seriously regretting letting Galinda give her a makeover*  
**

**Galinda: *is * **Okay! Done! Well?

**Elphaba: ...**

**Galinda: **AW, COME ON, Elphie! Pink goes good with green!

**Elphaba: *looks skeptical* **Really?

**Galinda: *****puts a pink flower in Elphaba's hair* **YES! Look! ***picks up a mirror & hands it to Elphaba* **See? I told you! Look at you, Elphie! You're beautiful!

**Elphaba: **LIES!** *chucks the mirror across the stage***

**Galinda: **Um...that's not quite the response I was expecting. ***smiles* **But that's okay! ***puts her hand on Elphaba's shoulder* **Seven little years of bad luck never hurt anyone, right?

**Elphaba: **Umm...yeah. I'm gonna go...now. ***runs away***

**Galinda:** Well, YOU'RE WELCOME! ***pulls a mirror out from under her pillow* **Hello, gorgeous!

* * *

**Well? How was it? Good? Terrible? Lemme know what you think: Review! :D  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7! Booh-ya! This is the farthest I've EVER gotten on a fic. Thank you all SO MUCH for all your reviews! Keep 'em coming! ;)**

* * *

***All the Shiz students are sitting in Doctor Dillamond's classroom***

**Elphaba: *walks onstage, tugging at a flower in her hair and muttering to herself*** Dang flower! Why won't it come out? ***bumps into Fiyero***

**Fiyero:** Hey, Elphaba... ***looks at her strangely* **Why does it look like you're trying to rip out your hair?

**Elphaba: *is still trying to get the flower out of her hair* **Stupid ***tug* **Galinda! ***tug*** What did she ***tug* **do? ***tug* **Super-glue it to my head?

**Galinda: *overhears her roommate* **YEP! EXACTLY! ***goes back to gossiping***

**Elphaba:** I'M GONNA KILL HER! ***lunges at Galinda***

**Fiyero: *holds Elphaba back*** Woah!...Hold on there feisty pants!

**Elphaba: *struggles* **Okay! OKAY! I'm calm. ***Fiyero lets go, and she glares at Galinda* **I'm gonna KILL HER.

**Fiyero: **Well, I'm sure it can wait 'till after class. ***pats Elphaba on the head***

**Elphaba:** If this doesn't come out ***points to the pink flower* **I'm gonna KILL HER.

**Fiyero: **You already said that

**Elphaba: *looks all dark and scary* **WELL, I'LL KILL HER AGAIN, THEN!

**Fiyero: *is scared* **Oookaay then... ***scoots away from Elphaba* **

**Doctor Dillamond: *comes in, carrying a suitcase* **CLASS! CLASS! LISTEN UP!

***all the students ignore him, except for Elphaba***

**Doctor Dillamond: *picks up a chair and hurls it acros the room*** CLASS!

***all the students stop talking and listen***

**Doctor Dillamond: *is calm now*** Class, there is something very important I must tell you. You see...***someone dies from anticipation***...

**Galinda: **JUST GET ON WITH IT!

**Doctor Dillamond: *pauses for dramatic effect* **Today is my last day here at Shiz university.

**Elphaba: *freaks out* **WHAT?! ***throws a book across the room* **NO! ***throws her desk across the stage* **THEY CAN'T MAKE YOU LEAVE! ***picks up some random student and chucks him into the ****orchestra pit* **IF THIS IS BECAUSE YOU'RE AN ANIMAL, SO HELP ME I'LL...***looks scary and slightly**** deranged***

**Fiyero:** Elphaba, you know throwing things won't help at all, right? ***pats Elphaba on the head again***

**Elphaba: *pushes Fiyero offstage*** YA WANNA BET?!

***two random guys appear & drag Doctor Dillamond away***

**Doctor Dillamond:** GOODBYE CLASS! ***is still being dragged away* **GOODBYE! ***is finally offstage***

**Elphaba: *has nervous breakdown* **DOCTOR DILLAMOND! ***runs around in circles frantically***

**Fiyero: *climbs back onstage and whispers to Galinda*** Is she gonna be okay? ***Elphaba is now sitting on the floor, curled up in a ball and rocking back & forth***

**Galinda: *whispers to Fiyero*** Honestly?...I don't really know. ***Elphaba is still curled up in a ball on the floor***

**Madam Morrible: *walks into the classroom*** HELLO STUDENTS! ***looks down at Elphaba & whispers to Galinda* **What's with the green girl?

**Galinda: **She had a nervous breakdown after Doctor Dillamond was fired.

**Morrible: **Oh. Well then. ***pokes Elphaba with a stick***

***Elphaba grabs Morrible's stick and snaps it in half***

**Morrible:** She broke my stick!***frowns*** But, since she's not unconscious I'll just leave her there. ***turns to the front of the class* **NOW, LET ME INTRODUCE YOUR NEW TEACHER: PROFESSOR NIKIDIK!

***a really short, annoying-looking guy in a labcoat walks onstage* **GOOD MORNING CLASS, I AM YOUR NEW TEACHER! ***pulls out a cage with a baby Lion in it* **NOW WHO WANTS TO SEE ME EXPERIMENT ON THIS LION CUB?

**Elphaba: *is mad* **NO! ***runs and pushes professor Nikidik into the Orchestra pit* **BIOLOGICAL EXPERIMENTS ON ANIMALS ARE JUST PLAIN WRONG! ***takes the Lion cub and runs away***

**Fiyero: *looks at Galinda*** Should I go with her?

**Galinda: *nods* **I don't think she's mentally stable.

***Fiyero runs off to find Elphaba***

* * *

**Elphaba: *is in the middle of the forest, surrounded by a lot of cages*  
**

**Fiyero: *is out of breath*** ELPHABA! *pant* WHAT IN OZ' *pant* NAME *pant* ARE YOU DOING?**  
**

**Elphaba: *looks slightly psycho* **I figured that since I rescued this little guy ***gestures to Lion cub* **that I'd just rescue all the Animals! ***points to all the cages* **See? I rescued this cage of Mice from the science lab, and this Tiger from taxidermy, and these Frogs from Biology, and this Bear from Clown college, and this Hippogriff from Hogwarts, and these Dogs from veterinary sciences, and this Pig from the cafeteria, and these Bees from beekeeping, and this little Monkey with wings! ***flying monkey flies away***

**Fiyero: *is slightly creeped out*** O-kayyy Elphaba. Why don't we just bring all these Animals back where you got them from, and we can go on like nothing happened. Alright?

**Elphaba: **NEVER! ***opens all the cages* **GO ON! GO! YOU'RE FREEEEEE! FREE! ***Animals stampede offstage and into the audience***

**Random audience member:** MY EYES!

**Another random audience member: **MY FACE!

**Hagrid: (who just happened to be in the audience) **BUCKBEAK!

**Director: *has a Bear gnawing on her foot and a Bird making a nest in her hair* **OOKAY! WHO'S GETTING FIRED?

**Elphaba: *is sane again* **I AM NOT GETTING FIRED!

***Director throws a shoe at her head & hits her on the head***

**Elphaba:** Okay, OW! ***looks at Fiyero* **You're hot. I like you ***passes out***

**Fiyero: **Wait...WHAT? ***Lion cub lunges at his head* **OWWWWWW! NOT THE FACE! NOT THE FACE!

* * *

**A/N: So? how was it? Oh, and to all you people (like ThroppSister) who are mad at me for dumping person after person on top of those poor, innocent musicians: don't worry. The Wizard is paying them 900 dollars an hour and they will ALL get their revenge during intermission! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! :D**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey people! Sorry about the deranged Elphaba last chapter. I just felt that the Lion Cub scene needed a crazy person. Anyway...Chapter 8!**

* * *

***Elphaba is in the train station. Morrible gave her the invitation from the Wizard, and she is currently waiting for her friends to see her off***

**Elphaba: *is slightly irritated* **Geeze. Where is everybody? I mean, If I knew that they were gonna make me late I just wouldn't have told them! ***checks her watch***

***Galinda, Boq, Nessa and Fiyero run onstage***

**Galinda: *trying to catch her breath*** Sorry Elphie! *pant* Nessa *pant* just _HAD _to go and make us LATE! ***glares at Nessa***

**Nessa:** WELL, I WASN'T GOING TO LEAVE THE DORM WITHOUT MAKEUP!

**Fiyero: *whispers to Boq* **I think Galinda's at as much fault here as Nessa is.

**Galinda: *smacks Fiyero* **I HEARD THAT!

**Elphaba: *looks at her watch again* **Well, it was really nice to see all you guys...but you see; I'm really gonna be late, and...

**Galinda:** BUT WE GOT YOU PRESENTS! ***pulls out a giant box from her tiny purse* **This one's from me!** *smiles & hands it to Elphaba***

**Elphaba: **Oh sweet Lurline.** *opens the box and pulls out a bright pink witch hat*** Gee, Galinda...um, you _really_ didn't have to get me anything. ***Galinda looks disappointed* **But...ah, it's...um...really REALLY pink.

**Galinda: *looks happy* **You really think so?! Oh, I just knew you'd love it! ***pulls another box out of her tiny purse* **This one's from Nessa!

**Elphaba: *takes it and opens it* **It's empty.

**Nessa: *shrugs* **I didn't know what to get you. And Father wouldn't raise my allowance! ***pouts* **But it's the thought that counts, right?

**Elphaba: *looks skeptical* **Yeah, sure Nessa. ***pats her on the head* **But that usually only applies when you actually _get_ the person something.

**Galinda: *pulls yet another box out of her purse* **And this one's from Fiyero!

**Elphaba: *opens it very slowly* **

**Fiyero: **Oh, don't look so scared! IT'S NOT GONNA BLOW UP!

**Elphaba: **Are you positive?

**Fiyero: **YES!

**Elphaba: *finishes opening the present* **What in Oz?! ***pulls a banana out of the box***

**Fiyero: *looks very proud of himself* **You're welcome!

**Elphaba: *stares at the banana* **WHY?

**Fiyero: *shrugs* **I figured you'd get hungry on the train ride.

**Elphaba: *is slightly confused* **Oookaay...***turns to Galinda* **Anything ELSE?

**Galinda: *pulls another box out of her purse and hands it to Elphaba***

**Elphaba:** ***stares at the preset*** SERIOUSLY! HOW DO YOU FIT FOUR BOXES IN THAT TINY LITTLE PURSE?!

**Galinda: **I DON'T KNOW JUST OPEN THE PRESENT!

**Elphaba: *opens the present, which is a _green_ Shiz t-shirt* **OKAY! WHO'S THE WISE GUY?! GREEN?! SERIOUSLY?! ***looks slightly murderous* **

**Boq: *hides behind Nessa***

**Elphaba:** YOU PEOPLE REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF GIFTS, DO YOU?! ***looks at her watch* **OH GREAT, NOW I'M LATE! THANKS A LOT!

**Galinda: **YOU'RE WELCOME!

**Elphaba: *looks disappointed* **Now how am I gonna get to the Emerald City?

**Galinda: **Never fear, GALINDA is here!

***Galinda pulls a train out of her purse***

**Galinda:** TA DA!

**Elphaba: *looks surprised*** HOW?! JUST HOW?!

**Galinda: *smiles* **I'm MAGICAL!

**Elphaba: **Sure...okay...***looks at the train* **Is that safe?

**Galinda: **Of COURSE IT IS, Elphie! Why wouldn't it be?

**Elphaba: **Alrighty, then... ***boards the train* **Bye everybody! ***waves***

**Everybody: **BYE!

***train pulls away from the station and disappears offstage***

**Galinda:** WAIT! I WANNA GO WITH YOU! ***is freaking out* **

**Fiyero:** Okay, Okay! Galinda, CALM DOWN!

**Galinda: *slaps Fiyero* **I WILL NOT CALM DOWN! ***runs after the train* **WAIT FOR ME ELPHIE! ***disappears offstage***

**Fiyero: *turns to Boq* **Do ya think she'll catch the train?

**Boq: **I honestly don't know.

* * *

**Now Elphaba (and possibly Galinda) are off to see the Wizard! How was this chapter? Good? Bad? Please review & let me know! :D  
**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey people! Sorry about the delay on this chapter, but I've been SUPER busy with my new fic. Who knew managing a plot bunny adoption center would take so much work!? You all should check it out if you have time! ;) Anyway...you're probably waiting for chapter nine, so here it is! (finally)**

* * *

***Elphaba has just arrived in the Emerald city. Galinda is still running after the train & has followed her all the way to the E.C.***

**Elphaba:** Oh my Oz! This is SO COOL! ***starts freaking out* **AND IT'S ALL GREEN! ***starts to hyperventilate, but sees Galinda run onstage* **GALINDA?! WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING HERE?!

**Galinda: *looks like a wild-person* **OH, ELPHIE! I just couldn't see you leave, so I DECIDED TO COME WITH YOU! ***squeals & runs over and hugs Elphaba***

**Elphaba: *is being strangled* **GALINDA! CAN'T. BREATHE!

***Galinda lets go***

**Elphaba: *composes herself* **Sooo... how exactly did you GET here? ***chuckles* **Pull another train out of your purse?

**Galinda: *looks confused and exhausted* **Nooo... I ran after the train! ***smiles***

**Elphaba: **...WHAT?!

**Galinda: **I ran after the train! Didn't you hear me, silly?!

**Elphaba: *is very shocked* **You...RAN AFTER THE TRAIN? ***Galinda nods* **Glin, that's OVER TWENTY MILES! You're telling me that you RAN TWENTY MILES AFTER _MY TRAIN?!_

**Galinda: *nods* **Yeah, pretty much.

**Elphaba: *stares at Galinda* **Oookaaay...so now you're here, wanna come with me to see the Wizard?

**Galinda: *is off in some store* **Oooooh! Look, Elphie! It's so FLUFFY! ***hugs some random person's jacket***

***random person smacks Galinda with her purse***

**Elphaba: *facepalms* **We're gonna get kicked out of here before today ends. I just know it! ***goes over to Galinda, who is chasing after some random Ozian* **GALINDA! LEAVE THAT POOR PERSON ALONE!

**Galinda: **BUT HIS SHOES ARE SO OZMAZING!

**Elphaba: **This is gonna be one LONG day.

**Random chorus of people: **

ONE LONG DAY

IN THE EMERALD CITY...

**Elphaba: *looks around* **Who said that?

**Random chorus of people:**

ONE LONG DAY

IN THE EMERALD CITYYYYYYYY...

**Elphaba: **GALINDA?! DO YOU HEAR PEOPLE SINGING TOO? ***starts freaking out***

**Random chorus of people:**

ONE LONG DAY

IN THE EMERALD CITY

ONE LONG DAY

FULL OF NOTHING TO DO

EVERYWHERE

THAT YOU LOOK IN THE CITY

THERE'S SOMETHING EXQUISITE

YOU'LL WANT TO VISIT

BEFORE THE DAY'S THROUGH...

**Galinda: *Looks around* **Elphie? Why is everybody singing?

**Elphaba: *looks slightly confused* **I dunno...Maybe it's "Everybody-in-the-Emerald-City-get-up-and-randomly-break-into-song-day?"

**Galinda: *pulls a calendar out of her purse and flips through it* **Yup! It's today! Remember? 'Cause last year was a leap-year?

**Elphaba: **Oh yeah...

***Elphaba&Galinda stare at all the people singing and dancing around them***

**Galinda: **I feel so weird being the only ones not singing...

**Elphaba: *nods* **

***all the people keep on dancing***

**Elphaba: *shrugs*** Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!

THERE ARE BUILDINGS TALL AS QUOXWOOD TREES!

**Galinda: **DRESS SALONS!

**Elphaba: **LIBRARIES!

**Galinda: **PALACES!

**Elphaba: **MUSEUMS!

**Both: **A HUNDRED STRONG!

THERE ARE WONDERS LIKE I'VE NEVER SEEN!

**Galinda: **IT'S ALL GRAND-

**Elphaba: *starts hyperventilating again* **AND IT'S ALL GREEN!

**Both: **I THINK WE'VE FOUND THE PLACE WHERE WE BELONG!

**Dodger (from _Oliver and Company_): *randomly jumps onstage&starts singing)**

WHY SHOULD I WORRY?

WHY SHOULD I CA-A-A-ARE?

IT'S JUST THE DOO-WOP-ULATION

AND I'VE GOT STREET SAVOIR FAIR...

**Galinda: **Elphie! LOOK! THAT LITTLE DOGGIE IS SINGING! ***points at Dodger***

**Elphaba:** Galinda, it's rude to point.

**Galinda: *runs after Dodger* **HE'S SOOOOOO CUTE! I JUST WANNA HUG HIM!

**Dodger: **I'M OUTTA HERE! ***runs offstage***

**Galinda:** WAIT LITTLE SINGING DOGGIE COME BACK! ***runs offstage after him***

**That-random-guy-who-says "the wizard will see you now": *walks onstage* **THE WIZARD WILL SEE YOU NOW! ***looks around* **WAIT...ISN'T THERE SUPPOSED TO BE TWO OF YOU?**  
**

**Elphaba:** Huh? ***looks around for Galinda* **Hang on just one second please. ***runs offstage* **GALINDA! GET YOUR PERKY PINK BUTT OUT HERE!

**Galinda: *is still offstage* **BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE LITTLE SINGING DOGGIE WENT!

**Elphaba: *drags her back onstage* **WELL, TOO BAD! YOU NEED TO BE ONSTAGE! NOW!

**Galinda: *is kicking and screaming* **BUT I DON'T WANNA BE ONSTAGE! ***pouts***

**Director: *throws a shoe at Galinda* **

**Galinda: *is scared*** OKAY! OKAY! ***stops kicking and screaming* **I'M ONSTAGE NOW! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!

**Director: *scowls menacingly***

**Elphaba: *whispers to Galinda*** I think she wants us to finish the scene.

**Galinda: *turns around and yells at the other people onstage* **OKAY PEOPLE! FROM THE TOP!

**Other people: **OKAY!

**That-random-guy-who-says "the wizard will see you now": **THE WIZARD WILL SEE YOU NOW!

**Everybody: **DAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

***lights go out***

**Galinda: *screams*** WHO THE HECK IS STANDING NEXT TO ME?

**Elphaba: **That would be me.

**Galinda: **Oh. HI ELPHIE!

**Elphaba: *facepalms***

**Director: *is losing it*** CUE THE FREAKIN' SCENE CHANGE!

* * *

**A/N: Hey people!  
**

**So...It's almost the end of Act 1! And I need ideas of funny things for the cast to do during intermission. Any ideas? Review or PM me! :)**

**(but just review anyway please)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Heyo people! Chapter 10! (read it now or forever hold your peace)**

* * *

***Elphaba and Galinda arrive in the waiting room to see the Wizard***

**Elphaba:** Hello? We're here to see the Wizard.

**Receptionist (imagine her being really REALLY annoying): *is doing her nails* **Name?

**Elphaba: **Elphaba Thropp and Galinda Upland.

**Receptionist: *is still doing her nails* **Okay, take a seat over there. ***waves* **Buh-bye.

***Elphaba's hands begin to glow***

**Galinda: *smacks Elphaba*** ELPHIE! Don't blast the secretary!

**Elphaba: **But...

**Galinda: **No! ***sits down on a chair* **No buts! Butts are for sitting!

**Elphaba: **Fine... ***sits down***

***5 hours later***

**Receptionist:** Elphaba Thropp and Glinda Upland?

**Galinda: **It's GAH-LINDA! ***flips out***

**Elphaba: **THANK OZ, FINALLY! ***tries to stand up, but falls over* **My legs are asleep. Huh...go figure.

**Galinda: *is still mad at the secretary for pronouncing her name wrong***

**Elphaba: *finally manages to stand up*** Come on, Galinda...** *drags Galinda through the door***

**Galinda: *okay...walks offstage with Elphaba, then runs back onstage and pushes the Receptionist into the Orchestra pit***

**Receptionist:** MY NAIL! I BROKE A NAIL!

**Random Orchestra member that she landed on: **YEAH, WELL SUCK IT UP! AT LEAST YOU DON'T HAVE PEOPLE CONSTANTLY _THROWN ON TOP OF YOU!_

***Elphaba and Galinda are now in the Wizard's office***

**Elphaba: *glares at Galinda*** Galinda, you shouldn't have thrown the secretary into the Orchestra pit. ***slaps Galinda* **Bad Galinda!

**Galinda: **But...

**Elphaba: *slaps Galinda again* **No! Butts are for sitting!

**Galinda: **Fine... ***sits down on the floor* **You know, you'd think that as rich as the Wizard is, he could afford some furniture!

**Elphaba: *looks around the Wizard's office, which has NO furniture at all* **Yeah...

**Galinda: **I wonder what he DOES spend it on...

***giant Wizard Head floats down from the ceiling***

**Galinda:** AAAAAUUUUHHHHHH! FORGET I ASKED! ***hides behind Elphaba***

**Giant Wizard Head:** I AM OZ, THE GREAT AND POWERFUL!

**Elphaba: **Don't you mean "Great and _Terrible?"_

**Giant Wizard Head:** WELL...UM...YES... I REALLY LIKED THAT MOVIE, OKAY?

**Elphaba: *shrugs***

**Giant Wizard Head:** A-ANYWAY...WHO DARES COME BEFORE THE WIZARD?

**Elphaba: **ELPHABA THROPP AND GALINDA UPLAND, YOUR WIZARD-NESS!

**Galinda: *smacks Elphaba* **THAT WAS MY LINE!

**Elphaba: **WELL, SOMEBODY HAD TO SAY IT, AND YOU WEREN'T!

**Galinda: **Good point...

**Giant Wizard Head: *stops working* **Oh, Elphaba! Sorry, it's just so hard to make out people's faces from back there! ***Wizard steps out from behind Giant Wizard Head***

**Wicked fans in the Audience: *throw things at the Wizard* **BOOOOOOOOOO!

**Wizard: **WELL, SOMEBODY HAS TO PLAY THE PART!

**Galinda: *whispers to Elphaba* **Good point...

**Wizard: **Can you do magic?!

**Elphaba: **Yes...

**Wizard: **WONDERFUL!

**Madam Morrible: *walks onstage carrying the Grimmerie* **Good to see you again, girls.

**Galinda: **How many jobs do you have, Woman?!

**Madam Morrible: *ignores Galinda* **Elphaba, the time has come for you to prove yourself

**Galinda: *interrupts Morrible* **Is that...THE GRIMMERIE?!

**Morrible: **Yes, the ancient book of Thaumaturgy and Enchantments.

**Galinda:** Can I...touch it?

**Morrible: **No! ***hands the book to Elphaba***

**Galinda:** AW, COME ON! HOW COME _SHE_ CAN TOUCH IT?

**Director: *chucks her clipboard at Galinda* **GALINDA, SHUT UP!

**Galinda: *throws her shoe at the Director* **NO!

**Director: *loses it and runs onstage & slaps Galinda***

**Galinda: *slaps the Director***

**Director: *slaps Galinda back***

**Galinda:** OH, IT'S ON!

***Galinda & the Director go into Catfight mode***

**Elphaba: *stares at the Grimmerie* **Soooo... What am I supposed to do with this?

**Wizard: *ignores Galinda, who has the Director in a headlock* **Umm...open it to a random page, point and see what happens?

**Elphaba: **Okay!

**Galinda: *still has the Director in a headlock* **

**Director:** YOU'RE ALL RUINING THE MUSICAL! STICK TO THE SCRIPT!

**Galinda: **NEVER!

**Director: *slaps Galinda***

***Meanwhile, Elphaba found a random spell & started reading it***

**Elphaba: *finishes reading the spell*** Dang. Nothing happened...

**Director: *starts sprouting wings* **AAAAAUGHHHHH! WHAT THE HECK?! ***runs offstage***

**Galinda: *laughs* **Elphie, DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN!

**Chistery: *runs onstage* **AM I LATE?

**Wizard, Elphaba, Galinda and Morrible: **Yes.

**Chistery: **DANG!

**Elphaba: **It's okay! I'll do the spell again! ***says the spell again***

**Chistery: *is in pain*** OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OWWW! ***runs around the stage***

**Elphaba: *looks concerned*** Oh, poor Chistery! Is he okay?

**Chistery: **NO, I'M IN EXCRUCIATING PAIN!

**Director: *is still offstage* **SO AM I!

**Elphaba: *slaps the Wizard* **WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT IT WAS PAINFUL?!

**Director: *runs onstage&now has wings* **Well, YOU COULD'VE ASKED ME! ***glares at everyone***

**Wizard:** GREAT! NOW I HAVE A WHOLE BUNCH OF FLYING MONKEY SPIES! YIPPEE! ***jumps up&down happily***

**Elphaba: *finally realizes what is going on*** YOU! YOU WERE THE ONE MAKING ANIMALS LOSE THE POWER TO SPEAK! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!

**Wizard: *ignores Elphaba and turns to Galinda* **Wanna come and work for me?

**Galinda: **SURE!

**Wizard: **Elphaba! come to the dark side; we have cookies! ***holds out a plate of cookies***

**Elphaba: *slaps the cookies out of his hands*** I DON'T WANT NO COOKIES! ***takes the Grimmerie and runs away***

**Wizard: *looks all sad*** She slapped my cookies.

**Morrible: *pats him on the shoulder***

**Galinda:** Oh, where'd Elphie go? ELPHIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE! ***runs offstage* **

**Wizard:** ...I'm gonna go make more cookies!


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey people! Thanks SO MUCH for all your reviews! Luv ya all! Cookies for everybody! (and NO, I will not make you join the Dark side.) **

**By the way, no Galindas (Or anyone else) were harmed in the making of this parody. (it'll make more sense once you read this chapter)**

* * *

**Galinda: *is running around like a chicken with its head cut off* **Elphie?! WHERE ARE YOU?! ***looks inside a closet* **ELPHIE?! ***looks under a rug* **HELLOOO? ELPHIE? ***finally notices the stairs to the attic* **ELPHIEEEEE! ***runs up the stairs&into the attic***

**Elphaba: *is in the attic* **

**Galinda:** ELPHIE! THERE YOU ARE! ***hugs her* **OKAY! NOW THAT I FOUND YOU, WE GOTTA GO BACK DOWNSTAIRS SO WE CAN WORK FOR THE WIZARD!

**Elphaba: *****is reading the Grimmerie* **Galinda, I'm not going to work for the Wizard.

**Galinda: *laughs* **OF COURSE YOU ARE! That's why we came to the Emerald city, isn't it?

**Elphaba: **Yeah, well that was BEFORE he made me mutilate those poor, innocent monkeys!

***shoe flies from backstage, knocking Elphaba into the Orchestra pit***

**Elphaba: *climbs out of the Orchestra pit*** WHAT THE HECK?!

**Madam Morrible: *is offstage* **YOU STOLE MY LINE!

**Elphaba: *throws a shoe back at her* **WELL I'M SORRY! THIS IS A _PARODY_ FOR OZ SAKE! IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO MAKE SENSE!

***Stitch runs onstage and licks Galinda, then runs away***

**Galinda:** EWWWWW! ***wipes her face off* **That was weird...

**Elphaba: **LIKE I SAID! IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO MAKE SENSE! ***looks all psycho and slightly deranged***

**Galinda:** ***backs away a few feet*** Elphie, listen to me:

YOU CAN STILL BE WITH THE WIZARD

WHAT YOU'VE WORKED AND WAITED FOR

YOU COULD HAVE ALL YOU EVER WANTED...

**Elphaba: **WAIT, ALL I EVER WANTED? THE WIZARD HAS A HAPPY CHILDHOOD AND BACK THERE? LEMME AT IT!

**Galinda: *smacks Elphaba*** NO! THE WIZARD DOESN'T HAVE A HAPPY CHILDHOOD! I mean..._HE_ might've had a happy childhood...BUT HE DOESN'T HAVE ONE FOR YOU!

**Elphaba: *looks disappointed* **Aw, COME ON!

**Galinda: *pats her on the shoulder sympathetically***

**Morrible: *magically appears on a balcony that wasn't even there before*** CITIZENS OF OZ!

**Galinda: *screams* **WHAT THE HECK?! WHERE'D SHE COME FROM?!

**Director: *throws a chair at Galinda* **SHUT UP! YOU'RE RUINING THE BEST PART OF THE MUSICAL!

**Galinda: *is scared* **Okayyyy... ***hides behind Elphaba***

**Director: *looks all scary and deranged*** NOW GET ON WITH IT!

**Galinda: *whispers* **Elphie...I think you should sing before the Director loses it...

***Director gets ready to throw something at them***

**Elphaba: *holds her hands up* **OKAY! OKAY! I'M SINGING! I'M SINGING! Geeze...nutjob...

**Director: **I HEARD THAT! ***throws a soda can at Elphaba***

**Elphaba: *dodges it* **HA! MISSED ME! ***Director throws another can at her& hits her on the head* **OKAY, FINE! SINGING NOW!

SOMETHING HAS CHANGED WITHIN ME

SOMETHING IS NOT THE SAME

I'M THROUGH WITH PLAYING BY

THE RULES OF SOMEONE ELSE'S GAME

TOO LATE FOR SECOND GUESSING

TOO LATE TO GO BACK TO SLEEP

IT'S TIME TO TRUST MY INSTINCTS

CLOSE MY EYES, AND LEAP...

**Idina Menzel: *magically appears out of nowhere* **I THINK I'LL TRY DEFYING GRAVITY

IT'S TIME TO TRY DEFYING GRAVITY

AND YOU CAN''T PULL ME DOWN!

**Elphaba: *freaks out* **OH. MY. OZ! YOU'RE IDINA MENZEL! I AM, LIKE, YOUR BIGGEST FAN! ***hugs her***

**Idina Menzel:** OH MY GOD YOU'RE ELPHABA! I PLAYED YOU ON BROADWAY! YOU'RE AWESOME! ***hugs her***

**Galinda: *is sad*** Aw...where's Kristen Chenoweth?

**Kristen Chenoweth: *floats in on Glinda's bubble* **HERE I AM! It's good to see me, isn't it?

**Galinda: **YAAAY!

**Idina Menzel: **Aw...no fair! I didn't get a fancy intro!

**Director: **WILL ALL YOU PEOPLE JUST FINISH THE SONG?! ***throws a random audience member at them***

**Kristen Chenoweth: *whispers to Galinda*** She's really strong...

**Galinda: **And scary...

**Director: *looks ready to kill everyone***

**Idina Menzel:** ALRIGHT! LET'S START SINGING! ***starts singing "Seasons of Love" from RENT***

**Elphaba: *whispers*** Wrong song...

**Idina Menzel: **I know. I just really like that song! And if we don't sing SOMETHING that Director is gonna kill us all!

**Elphaba: **Yeah, well...I don't think we can sing a RENT song. Gotta keep the rating at K+. ***looks at the audience* **ANY SUGGESTIONS PEOPLE?!

**Random One Direction fan: **WHAT MAKES YOU BEAUTIFUL!

**Elphaba: **EW! NO! ***throws a shoe at her***

**Random One Direction fan: **MY FACE!

**Elphaba: **ANY OTHER IDEAS?!

**Random Disney fanatic: **HOW ABOUT LET IT GO?

**Idina Menzel: **Oooh! I KNOW THAT ONE!

**Kristen Chenoweth: **Yeah, but no one else does.

**Elphaba: *looks at the Director, who looks all dark & scary* **WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF TIME PEOPLE! SONG IDEAS! NOW!

**Random Glee fan: **DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

**Galinda: **Oooh! I LOVE THAT SONG!

**Elphaba: **GOOD! START SINGING!

**Galinda & Kristen Chenoweth: **JUST A SMALL TOWN GIRL

LIVIN' IN A LONELY WORLD

SHE TOOK THE MIDNIGHT TRAIN GOIN' ANYWHERE...

**Elphaba & Idina Menzel: **STRANGERS

WAITING

UP AND DOWN THE BOULEVARD

THEIR SHADOWS

SEARCHING IN THE NIGHT...

**Everybody: **DON'T STOP BELIEVING

HOLD ON TO THAT FEELING

STREETLIGHTS

PEOPLE...

DON'T STOP BELIEVING

HOLD ON TO THAT FEELING

STREETLIGHTS

PEOPLE...** *Idina Menzel belts the last note***

***everybody claps because they were amazing***

**Director:** SOMEBODY BETTER GET IN THE LIFT BEFORE I START FIRING PEOPLE!

**Kristen Chenoweth: **Well...somebody's unappreciative.

**Idina Menzel: **Tell me about it. We were really good! ***looks at the others* **Somebody's got to go up in the lift!

**Galinda: **OOH! OOH! MEEEE! I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO GO UP IN THE LIFT! ***looks at Elphaba* **Can I?

**Elphaba: **Sure, but JUST THIS ONCE.

**Galinda: *squeals and runs over to the lift* **Ooooh thank you ELPHIE! ***lift goes up and she starts singing "Defying Gravity" an octave higher***

AND NOBODY

IN ALL OF OZ

NO DIRECTOR THAT THERE IS OR WAS

IS EVER GONNA BRING

MEE!

DOWN!

**Elphaba: **I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY!

**Director: **SOMEONE'S GETTING FIRED!

**Galinda: **DOWN!

***lights go out***

**Galinda:** ELPHIEEE! I'M SCARED UP HERE! TURN THE LIGHTS BACK ON!

**Director: *throws a pretzel at Galinda***

**Galinda: *gets hit in the head & falls off the lift* **DON'T WORRY! ***gets up* **I AM OKAY!

**Director: **Unfortunately...

**Galinda: *glares at Director* **I HEARD THAT!

* * *

**So? How was Act 1? Ready for some intermission antics?**

**Don't worry: the Orchestra WILL get their revenge! *evil laughter***


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey people!**

**The moment you've all been waiting for: INTERMISSION! :D**

**Oh, and all you guys that are wondering why Galinda is still "GAH-linda" and not Glinda, the GAH is silent" well, don't worry: She WILL be Glinda by the end of this chapter!**

* * *

***As soon as the curtain goes down, everybody cheers*  
**

**Fiyero: *runs onstage*** ALRIGHT! FIRST ACT IS DONE! WHO WANTS TO PARTY?!

**Elphaba: **Actually, I wanna sleep.

**Galinda: **Awwwww! You're no fun! ***pushes Elphaba***

***Elphaba falls over and starts snoring***

**Galinda: **I DIDN'T DO IT! ***looks around* **IT WAS BIQ!

**Boq: *runs onstage* **GEEZE WOMAN! IT'S BOOOOOQ! BOOQ! COME ON, HOW HARD IS THAT FOR YOUR LITTLE BLONDE BRAIN TO COMPREHEND?!

**Galinda: **Excuse me? ***runs over and slaps Boq***

**Boq:** OH IT'S ON! ***Galinda slaps him again* **AW, COME ON! I CAN'T HIT A GIRL!

**Idina Menzel & Kristen Chenoweth: *are confused***

**Idina Menzel:** Who do you think will win?

**Kristen Chenoweth: **I got dibs on Galinda!

***Boq picks up Galinda & chucks her into the Orchestra pit***

**Idina Menzel: *looks over at Kristen*** HA! I win! Fork it over!

**Kristen Chenoweth: *pulls $20 out of her purse* **Not fair...

~Meanwhile~

***Galinda is now in the Orchestra pit*  
**

**Galinda: *lands on some random musician*** Where am I? ***sees all the angry musicians* **I have a feeling I'm not onstage anymore...

**Random musician: **Hey look! It's Glinda!

**Galinda: **IT'S GAHH-LINDA!

**Random musician: **LET'S TIE HER UP AND HOLD HER HOSTAGE TO PROTEST THE MISTREATMENT OF THE PEOPLE IN THE ORCHESTRA PIT!

**Other musicians: **YEAH!

**Galinda: **Oh no...

**Nat(also know as Throppsister): *is down in the Orchestra pit with the musicians* **YES! FINALLY! ***smiles & holds up a sign* **STOP THE MISTREATMENT OF ORCHESTRA MEMBERS! YEAH!

~Meanwhile~

***Fiyero, The Ensemble, The Wizard, Idina Menzel & Kristen Chenoweth are partying***

***Nessa is off trying to get Boq into his dog carrier***

***Elphaba is asleep on the couch***

**Averic: *sneaks onstage & spikes the punch***

**Fiyero: **YEAH! THIS PARTY IS OFF THE HOOK! ***drinks the punch* **WOOHOO! ***drinks the punch again* **WHO WANTS TO DANCE?

**#1 Wicked fan: **OOH! OOH! ME! MEE! ***runs up to Fiyero & starts dancing***

**Idina Menzel: *walks over to Fiyero*** You know, Galinda's gonna be pretty mad if she sees you dancing with somebody else

**Fiyero: *is drunk* **WHO CARES?! I LOVE ELPHABA ANYWAY!

**Elphaba: *wakes up and runs onstage* **YOU DO?!

**Galinda: *is still being held hostage by the musicians* **I sense a disturbance in the force...

**Idina Menzel: **Where IS Galinda, anyway?

**Elphaba: **She got thrown into the Orchestra pit by Boq, remember?

**Kristen Chenoweth: **I hope she's okay... ***looks over at the Orchestra pit, which looks all dark & scary* **We should send someone down there to make sure that she's okay...

**Boq: *runs over & hides behind Elphaba* **SEND NESSA! SEND NESSA! PLEASE! ***whispers* **She's got the dog carrier.

**Elphaba: *looks concerned* **Oooh boy... ***runs over to find Nessa* **Nessa? What did we say about the dog carrier?...

**Idina Menzel, Kristen Chenoweth & Boq: *are standing by the Orchestra pit***

**Boq: *looks over the edge* **Soooo...do ya think Galinda's okay down there?

**Fiyero: *runs over to them* **HEY GUYS! GUESS WHAT?! I JUST SAW THIS PANDA AND THIS WATERMELON AND THE WATERMELON WAS TALKING AND THE PANDA WAS DANCING GAGNAM STYLE AND LOOK A TRAIN! ***sits down on a shoe* **ALL ABOARD THE SHOE- SHOE TRAIN!

**Kristen Chenoweth: *looks scared* **Is he drunk?

**Elphaba: *walks over pushing Nessa* **Only one way to find out... ***leaves Nessa & walks over to Fiyero* **Heeyyyy Fiyero...

**Fiyero: **ELPHIE! HOP ON BOARD THE TRAIN! WE'RE GOING TO NARNIA!

**Elphaba: *looks over at Kristen* **Yup! He's DEFINITELY drunk.

**Fiyero: **ALL ABOARD THE TRAIN TO NARNIA! ***scoots offstage on the shoe* **SHOE SHOE!

**Nessa: *sees Boq* **BOQ! ***holds up a collar* **LOOK AT WHAT I GOT FOR YOU! ***smiles* **It's sparkly!

**Boq: *looks VERY scared* **Ummmmm... ***pushes Nessa into the Orchestra pit* **

**Elphaba: *slaps Boq*** BOQ! WE DIDN'T TELL HER TO RESCUE GALINDA!

**Fiyero: *scoots back onstage on the shoe* **ALL ABOARD THE TRAIN TO NARNIA! ***scoots over to the Orchestra pit* **BYE MOTHER! I'M OFF TO NARNIA! ***is about to scoot into the Orchestra pit***

**Elphaba:** NO, FIYERO! WAIT! ***grabs Fiyero* **

**Fiyero: *smiles*** Hello gorgeous.

**Elphaba: **Not now Fiyero! ***slaps him***

**Idina Menzel: *walks over & whispers something to Elphaba***

**Elphaba: *high-fives Idina* **Good idea! ***turns to Fiyero* **HEY FIYERO! YOU WANNA GO TO NARNIA?!

**Fiyero: *is still drunk* **YEAH!

**Elphaba: **OKAY! YOU NEED TO TAKE THAT SHOE TRAIN OF YOURS DOWN TO THE ORCHESTRA PIT AND RESCUE GALINDA AND NESSA! OKAY?

**Fiyero: *****Salutes* **AYE AYE CAPTAIN! ***scoots offstage* **DON'T WORRY LADIES! I'M COMINGGGGGG!

**Kristen Chenoweth: **Soooo...who wants to draw a mustache on Morrible?

**Morrible: *is passed out drunk on the couch***

~Meanwhile~

**Fiyero: *scoots into the Orchestra pit on his shoe* **HEY GUYS! I'M HERE TO RESCUE GALINDA AND NESSA!

**Random musician: **Is he drunk?

**Nat(also known as Throppsister): **Only one way to find out. ***walks over to Fiyero* **Heeyyyy Fiyero!

**Fiyero: *scoots over to a Tuba* **HEY MR. TUMNUS! HAVE YOU SEEN GALINDA AND NESSA?

**Nat: *looks over at Random musician* **Yup! DEFINITELY drunk!

**Fiyero: *picks up the Tuba* **COME ON MR. TUMNUS! WE HAVE TO RESCUE GALINDA AND NESSA FROM THE GIANT PANDA BEAR!

**Random musician: *looks over at Nat* **Should we take him to see Glinda?

**Nat: *nods* **Better take him now before he does something REALLY weird.

***Fiyero is flirting with a Violin* **

**Nat:** Nevermind...

***Random musician takes Fiyero to Glinda* (told you she'd be Glinda by the end of this chapter!)**

**Glinda: *is sitting on a throne made of musical instruments*** Hi guys! ***waves***

**Random musician:** WE BROUGHT YOU ANOTHER ONE, MISS GLINDA! ***looks around* **Wait... WHERE'S FIYERO?!

**Fiyero: *scoots in on his shoe* **WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD! THE WONDERFUL WIZARD OF OZ!

**Glinda: **FIYERO! ***gets up and runs over to hug him***

**Fiyero: *gets up and starts doing Gangnam style* **HEEEY SEXY LADY!

**Glin****da: *backs away* **Is he drunk?

**Random musician: *nods* **

**Glinda:** Oookayy... ***walks up to Fiyero & talks really slowly* **Hi Fiyero! It's me: Glinda. Why are you down here in the Orchestra pit?**  
**

**Fiyero: **I'VE COME TO RESCUE GALINDA AND NESSA FROM THE ORCHESTRA PIT! MR. TUMNUS IS GONNA HELP ME TAKE DOWN THE GIANT PANDA! ***points to the Tuba*** ARE YOU WITH ME?! ***passes out***

**Glinda:** What the HECK did he just say?

**Nessa: *wheels herself in* **Glinda, intermission is almost over! We'd better get back onstage!

**Glinda: *turns to musicians* **FELLOW MUSICIANS! I HAVE HEARD YOUR PLEAS AND YOU WILL NO LONGER BE MISTREATED BY HAVING ACTORS AND RANDOM PEOPLE THROWN ON TOP OF YOU! I WILL RETURN TO THE STAGE AND SPREAD THE WORD: MUSICIANS ARE PEOPLE TOO!

**Musicians: *clap* **YEAH!

**Glinda: **Now, I've really got to go...intermission's almost over...soo...yeah...BYE! ***waves and runs back to the stage with Nessa & dragging Fiyero***

~Meanwhile~

***Everybody is in Morrible's dressing room drawing on her face***

**Morrible: *is still sleeping***

**Kristen Chenoweth: *takes a picture of Morrible with her phone*** Sooo...when do you think Fiyero's gonna get back with Galinda and Nessa?

**Elphaba: *is in her Act two dress* **I hope soon! Act two is almost ready to start!

***Glinda runs through the door, dragging Fiyero by his arm***

**Elphaba: **GALINDA!** *runs over and hugs her***

**Glinda: *hugs Elphaba*** It's Glinda now! ***smiles***

**Idina Menzel:** Well, it's about time...

**Elphaba: *looks down at Fiyero* **What happened to him?!

**Glinda: **He started rambling on and on about Pandas and Narnia and he was talking to the instruments and then he passed out.

**Elphaba: **Oh.

**Boq: *looks hopeful* **Is Nessa still down there?!

**Nessa: *wheels herself through the door* **BOQ! I'M BAAA-AAAAAACK!

**Boq: *is afraid* **OH SWEET MOTHER OF OZ! ***runs out the door***

**Nessa: *wheels after him*** Boq-ykins! WAIT FOR ME!

***Awkward silence***

**Kristen Chenoweth: *holds up a permanent marker*** Who wants to draw on Fiyero's face?!

* * *

**Well? You like? Act two is next! Yippie! :)  
**

**Oh, and if you wanna have a cameo in one of the scenes, just let me know! ;)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey people! Act two! *smiles evilly* This is gonna be fun!**

* * *

***Five minutes till act two***

**Director: *has taken a vacation***

**Glinda: *is freaking out*** OKAY! WHO TOOK MY BUBBLE DRESS?! NOT FUNNY PEOPLE!

**Elphaba: *is lost in the corridors under the stage* **HELLO? ANYBODY? HELLO?! CAN ANYBODY HELP ME GET OUT OF HERE?! SERIOUSLY! I NEED TO BE ONSTAGE IN, LIKE...OH FOR THE LOVE OF OZ GET ME OUT OF HERE! ***bangs her head on an overhang* **Ow.

**Morrible: *wakes up & looks in a mirror* **HOLY LURLINE! ***looks slightly murderous* **WHO DID THIS?! NOT FUNNY! I NEED TO BE ONSTAGE IN FIVE MINUTES AND THIS IS PERMANENT MARKER!

**Fiyero: *wakes up & is wearing Glinda's bubble dress* **Oh man, do I have a headache. Wh-what happened? Oz...that was one heck of a party! ***looks down at the dress* **Umm...wait...what exactly DID happen? ***is confused and hungover***

**Boq: *is hiding on the roof*** Nessa will NEVER find me up here!

**Nessa: *climbs up onto the roof* **BOQ-IKINS! WHERE ARE YOU?! ***looks mentally unstable***

**Boq:** SWEET OZ! ***jumps off the roof***

**Nessa:** BOQ-IKINS! COME BACK! ***jumps off the roof***

* * *

**Random person backstage:** WHERE THE HECK IS GLINDA?!

**Glinda: *runs over wearing a duck costume* **HERE I AM!

**Random person backstage:** Okay, Glinda- ***looks at Glinda's duck costume* **Glinda...WHY?!

**Galinda: *looks upset* **I COULDN'T FIND MY DRESS, OKAY?!

**Random person backstage: *facepalms* **YOU DON'T NEED THE BUBBLE DRESS! YOU NEED THE ENGAGEMENT DRESS!

**Glinda: **Oh...I'll go change!

**Random person backstage: **NO TIME!** *pushes Glinda onstage***

**Glinda: *runs into some random Ozian* **Sorry! That lady back there pushed me onstage!

**Random Ozian: **Well get back offstage! You're not on yet, _GAlinda!_

**Glinda: *is mad* **IT'S GLLLINDA! THE GAH IS SILENT! ***runs back offstage***

**Random Ozian: *looks at the other Ozians onstage*** Ummm...What do we do again? ***looks over at the Director's chair, which does not have a Director sitting in it* **OKAY! WHERE'S THE DIRECTOR?

**Other Random Ozian: *pulls out her phone* **She's on vacation. She posted some pictures on Facebook. See? ***hands Random Ozian her phone***

**Random Ozian: *looks at the phone*** AUUGGGHHH! ***chucks phone across the stage* **That is NOT SOMETHING you post on Facebook! ***is now scarred for life***

**Other Random Ozian:** AW, MY PHONE!

**Glinda: *runs onstage in her duck costume***FELLOW OZIANS!

AS TERRIFYING AS TERROR IS, LET US PUT ASIDE OUR PANIC FOR THIS ONE DAY:

AND CELEBRATE!

**Other Ozian: **BUT THAT GUY CHUCKED MY PHONE ACROSS THE STAGE!

**Fiyero: *runs onstage in Glinda's bubble dress* **AW DANG! I'M LATE!

**Random person in the audience: **YA THINK?!

**Glinda: *ignores Other Random Ozian* **YES, WE COULDN'T BE HAPPIER!

RIGHT DEAR?

COULDN'T BE HAPPIER!

**Other Random Ozian: **BUT MY PHONE IS PROBABLY BROKEN! AND IT WAS A SMARTPHONE TOO! DO YOU _KNOW_ HOW MUCH THAT COSTS?!

**Glinda: *continues***

COULDN'T BE HAPPIER!

RIGHT HERE

LOOK WHAT WE'VE GOT: A FAIRYTALE PLOT

OUR VERY OWN HAPPY ENDING!

***Other Random Ozian runs over and slaps Glinda***

**Morrible: *walks onstage with clown makeup on*** OKAY! WHO'S GETTING ENGAGED?!

**Fiyero: *is still in Glinda's bubble dress*** Wait, WHAT? ***sees Morrible's face* **AHHH! IT'S HIDEOUS!

**Morrible: *slaps Fiyero* **YOU'RE THE CROSS-DRESSER!

**Fiyero: *is offended* **I AM NOT! HEY, IN MY DEFENSE: I WAS DRUNK!

**Morrible: **SO WAS I BUT YOU'RE NOT GIVING ME ANY REPRIEVE!

**Glinda: *joins the conversation* **Yeah, it's 'cause you're ugly.

**Morrible: *slaps Glinda and runs offstage***

**Galinda: *chucks a shoe at Morrible*** AND STAY OUT!

**Fiyero: **Now...WHO'S getting ENGAGED?

**Glinda: **WE ARE! ***jumps up and down like London Tipton* **YAY US!

**Fiyero: *falls over* **

**Glinda:** OH MY OZ FIYERO! ARE YOU OKAY?!

**Fiyero: **We're getting engaged?! ***passes out again***

**Glinda: *is WAY too excited* **YES!

AND I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER!

TODAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!** *collapses from lack of air***

**Nurse: *runs onstage* **Great! Already Nessa and Boq jumped off the roof, and NOW I've got TWO actors who are unconscious! ***looks out at the audience* **ANYONE WANT TO STANDBY GLINDA AND FIYERO?!

**Elphaba: *runs across the stage* **AGHHHHHH! SPIDERS! ***falls and sprains her ankle* **OZ-DAMMIT!

**Nurse: **AND ELPHABA?!

**Boq and Nessa: *are wheeled out of the theater in full-body casts***

**Nurse:** AND NESSA AND BOQ APPARENTLY! ANYONE?! ANYONE AT ALL?

***awkward silence***

* * *

**That's right! All you awesome people who have been reading my story get to be in the fic!  
Just click that little magic button down there, and you'll be written into my amazingly amazing story!  
(Oh, and don't forget to request who you want to standby for! )  
**

**Hugs and Broomsticks! :D**

**~Wickedly Hope Pancake~**


	14. Chapter 14

***Nurse is sitting onstage in Fiyero's Carriage. Behind her is a long line of possible stand-bys***

**Nurse: *is apparently the new director*** OKAY WHO WANTS TO STANDBY ELPHABA?

***every single girl raises her hand***

**Nurse:** Okay then! ***closes her eyes*** EENY MEENY MINY YOU! ***opens her eyes and points* **YOU THERE!

**Elphaba's Girl: **Me?

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: *throws a cookie at her* **I wanna standby for Elphaba!

***Elphaba's Girl and Wickedly Hope Pancake start fighting***

**Nurse:** BREAK IT UP! BREAK IT UP! ***throws a thermometer at them* **YOU CAN BOTH STANDBY FOR ELPHABA! THERE! HAPPY?

**Elphaba's Girl and Wickedly Hope Pancake: *smile* **YES! ***run offstage to get Greenified***

**Nurse:** ALRIGHT! WHO WANTS TO STANDBY GALINDA?!

**NellytheActress: *shoves people out of the way* **OOH! OOH! ME! MEEEEEEE!

**Nurse: *is slightly scared* **Okaaaaaay...You can standby for Glinda.

**NellytheActress: *is extremely happy* **OH MY OZ! THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU! ***runs offstage after Elphaba's Girl and Wickedly Hope Pancake***

**Nurse: *looks over her shoulder* **ALRIGHT! NESSA?

**Throppsister: *wheels herself onstage in full Nessa drag* **I'M READYYY!

**Nurse: **Okay... ***points backstage***

**Throppsister: *wheels herself offstage*** YAAAAAY!

**Nurse: *is slightly freaked out* **YOU WICKED FANS ARE NUTS!

***Boq, Fiyero and Morrible walk onstage***

**Boq: *is still in a full-body cast*** Why don't we get standbys?

**Morrible: *still has her clown makeup on* **YEAH!

**Nurse: *looks at the Director's clipboard* **Nobody volunteered to play you.

**Fiyero: **COME ON! BOQ'S IN A BODY CAST FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

**Nurse: **WELL...UNLESS YOU CAN FIND SOMEBODY TO PLAY YOU: TOO BAD!

**Fiyero: *is the only one who is actually fine* **FINE! I'LL GO FIND US STANDBYS! TO NARNIA! ***runs and jumps into the Orchestra pit***

**Nurse: *looks over at Morrible and Boq*** Did he just...

**Boq: **Yup.

* * *

***Elphaba's Girl and Wickedly Hope Pancake are in Elphaba's dressing room Greenifying each other***

**Elphaba's Girl: *is skipping around in Elphaba's Act One dress, Greenifying Wickedly Hope Pancake* **POPULAR!

YOU'RE GONNA BE POPULAR!

I'LL TEACH YOU THE PROPER PLOYS

WHEN YOU TALK TO BOYS

LITTLE WAYS TO FLIRT AND FLOUNCE!

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: *is wearing Elphaba's Act Two dress, Greeninfying Elphaba's Girl* **I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT SHOES TO WEAR!

HOW TO FIX YOUR HAIR!

EVERYTHING THAT REALLY COUNTS

TO BE POPULAR!

I'LL HELP YOU BE POPULAR!

YOU'LL HANG WITH THE RIGHT COHORTS

YOU'LL BE GOOD AT SPORTS!

KNOW THE SLANG YOU'VE GOT TO KNOW!

**Both: *are now fully Greenified* **SO LET'S START!

'CAUSE YOU'VE GOT AN AWFULLY LONG WAY TO GO!

**Elphaba's Girl: **THAT WAS SO FUN!

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **I KNOW!

**Elphaba's Girl: **What do we do now?

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: *smiles* **Want a cookie?

**Elphaba's Girl:** Sure...***takes cookie* **Thanks...

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **No prob!

**Intercom: *comes on* **ELPHABAS ONSTAGE IN 60 SECONDS!

**Elphaba's Girl: *puts on her Witch hat* **COME ON! LET'S GO!

***both run out of the dressing room***

**Elphaba's Girl and Wickedly Hope Pancake: *run onstage*** WE'RE READY!

**Nurse: *has a giant cage onstage with the Director in it* **Okay! Start singing!

**Director: *is flying around in her cage*** Remind me why I'm here again?! ***looks over at Wickedly Hope Pancake and Elphaba's Girl* **Why are there TWO Elphabas?

**Nurse: **BECAUSE THEY BOTH WANTED TO PLAY THE PART! OKAY?! AT LEAST I DIDN'T LEAVE MY JOB AND GO ON A VACATION TO VEGAS! ***glares at Director* **

**Director: *stops flying around in her cage and pouts***

**Nurse: *****looks over at Elphaba's Girl and Wickedly Hope Pancake* **NOW SING!

**Elphaba's Girl: **Uh, excuse me? Um...yeah...where's the Wizard?

**Nurse: *looks around* **Shiz... I KNEW I FORGOT SOMETHING! Hang on a minute. ***runs offsta****ge and pulls some random sound guy onstage* **HERE'S YOUR NEW WIZARD!

**Random sound guy: *is terrified* **Ummm...I-I don't sing...and...yeahh...

**Nurse and Director: **SING!

**Random sound guy: *looks over at the Elphabas* **Help!...

**Elphaba's Girl: **You're on your own.

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **Sorry... ***throws him a cookie* **Here! Have a cookie!

**Nurse: *chucks a chair at the Random sound guy* **SING!

**Random sound guy: *runs offstage***

**The Wizard: *runs onstage* **I'M HERE!

**Director: **GREAT! NOW SING!

**The Wizard: *looks over at Elphaba's Girl and Wickedly Hope Pancake* **Why are there...

**Nurse: *looks about ready to jump into the Orchestra pit* **NEVERMIND WHY THERE ARE TWO ELPHABAS JUST SING!

**Wizard: **Okay, Okay!

A MAN'S CALLED A TRAITOR

OR LIBERATOR

A RICH MAN'S A THIEF OR PHILANTHROPIST

IS ONE A CRUSADER

OR RUTHLESS INVADER

IT'S ALL IN WHICH LABEL

IS ABLE TO PERSIST

**Fiyero: *runs onstage dragging a huge bag* **HIYA PEOPLE! GUESS WHAT I HAVE?!

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: *raises her hand* **OOH! OOH! I KNOW! A BIG BAG!

**Fiyero: *totally misses her sarcasm* **NO! ***pulls a bunch of Disney stars out of the bag* **I GOT MORRIBLE, BOQ AND ME STANDBYS!

**Director: *looks menacing & is still in her cage* **THEY HAD BETTER BE GOOD...

**Fiyero: *is slightly scared* **Ummm... I think they are...

**Elphaba's Girl: **Oooh! Who's your standby?

**Ross Lynch: *climbs out of the bag* **I am!

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: *is freaking out* **OH MY OZ IT'S ROSS LYNCH! ***runs over and hugs him***

**Ross Lynch: **Ummm Okaaayyyy...

**Elphaba's Girl: *pats him on the shoulder* **Yeah...She's sorta hyper. But she bakes good cookies!

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: *nods* **Yes, yes I am.

**Fiyero: *pushes Ross Lynch offstage* **Okay! Here's Boq's standby! ***pulls Tony from Jessie out of the bag* **TA DA!

**Tony: **HIYA!

**Elphaba's Girl: **Isn't he a little _tall _to be a _munchkin?_

**Fiyero: **Ummmm...well...yes...but- well...IT'S THE BEST I COULD DO, OKAY?

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **But...

**Fiyero: **THE BEST I COULD DO! ***shoves Tony offstage*** OKAY! MORRIBLE'S STANDBY IS-

**Amy Duncan: *pops out of the bag* **HELLO, NEW YORK! ***waves and bows***

**Director: *facepalms*** It just HAD to be her. DIDN'T IT? ***glares at Fiyero***

**Fiyero: **HEY! AT LEAST I FOUND STANDBYS!

**Nurse:** CAN WE JUST FINISH THE STUPID SCENE?!

**Elphaba's Girl: **Oh, you did NOT just call Wicked stupid!

**Nurse: *is regretting saying that***

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: *chucks a barbell at her face*** NEVER CALL WICKED STUPID!

**NellytheActress: *skips onstage in Glinda's Bubble dress* **HIYA EVERYBODY!

**Director: *facepalms* **YA SEE? THIS IS WHY I WENT TO VEGAS! THESE DARN ACTRESSES KEEP MESSING UP THE SCRIPT!

**Throppsister: *wheels herself onstage* **Is it time for me to go on?

**Director: **THAT'S IT! I'M MOVING TO VEGAS! ***opens her cage and flies out the door***

**Nurse:** SOMEBODY START SINGING!

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: *whispers to Elphaba's Girl* **What scene were we doing again?

**Elphaba's Girl: **Ummmm... ***looks over at NellytheActress* **What scene were we doing again?

**NellytheActress: **Ummm...Wonderful?

**Elphaba's Girl: **That's it! ***looks around*** Where's the Wizard?

**Throppsister: **Umm...I saw him backstage.

**NellytheActress: **Well, WHAT IS HE DOING BACKSTAGE?

**Throppsister: **Sleeping.

**NellytheActress: **Oh.

**Elphaba's Girl: **Can't you wake him up?!

**Throppsister and NellytheActress: **NO.

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: *is eating a cookie* **Umm...shouldn't we finish the scene?

**Throppsister, NellytheActress and Elphaba's Girl: **Oh. Yeah...

**Elphaba's Girl: **How can we finish the song without the Wizard? Wonderful is, like, _HIS _song.

**Throppsister: *nods* **True.

**NellytheActress: **But we need to finish the scene!

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **HEY, LOOK! THE DIRECTOR'S GONE!

**NellytheActress: *slaps her on the arm* **And you JUST realized this?

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **Well, can't we just end the scene?

**Throppsister, NellytheActress and Elphaba's Girl: **GOOD IDEA!

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **Thank you! ***bows* **So...wanna go get some lunch?

**Elphaba's Girl: **OOH! OOH! LET'S GO TO McDONALDS AND FREAK OUT THE PEOPLE!

**NellytheActress: **OOH! I'LL GO GET MY WAND!

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **This is gonna be SO FUN!

* * *

**Hey people! So...what do you think of the character standbys? Just click that magic button down there and lemme know! ;)**

**P.S. any ideas for how to parody any of the other scenes? :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey everybody! This is sort-of a half chapter, (so it doesn't follow the storyline of the musical) suggested by NellytheActress! YAY! :)**

* * *

***All the standbys are at McDonalds getting lunch***

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **Okay! What does everybody want?

**Ross Lynch: **OOH! PANCAKES!

**Throppsister: *whispers to him* **They don't have pancakes here.

**Ross Lynch: **Aw.

**NellytheActress:** OOH! ***pokes Wickedly Hope Pancake*** We should SO TOTALLY perform for all the people here!

**Tony(from Jessie): **What people?

**Elphaba's Girl: *turns him around to see about 200 people behind them* **Um, THOSE people!

**Tony: **OH...

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **That would be SO FUN! ***looks at the other standbys* **Any objections?

**Others: *look around* **Nope!

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **THIS IS GONNA BE SO FUN! ***jumps up&down* **YEEEE! Wait...what song should we sing?

***others start yelling out ideas at the same time***

**NellytheActress: **THANK GOODNESS!

**Throppsister: **THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST!

**Ross Lynch: **DANCING THROUGH LIFE!

**Elphaba's Girl: **DEFYING GRAVITY!

**Tony: **LET IT GO!

***everybody turns and stares at him***

**Tony:** WHAT?! I really liked that movie...

**NellytheActress: *pats him on the shoulder* **Yeah, we all did. But "_We" _***motions to the other standbys*** were talking about WICKED songs.

**Tony: **Oh...

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **Alrighty! How about we sing "For Good"? ***looks over at Throppsister, Tony, Ross Lynch and Amy Duncan* **And "Dancing Through Life"? ***others nod in approval***

**Elphaba's Girl:** Wait..."For Good" is a duet. Not a trio. ***looks over at Wickedly Hope Pancake* **No offense.

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **No prob! How about we flip a coin? Winner gets to sing the duet, loser sings "Popular"?

**Elphaba's Girl:** Deal! ***shakes on it* **I CALL HEADS!

**(at this point I actually DID go around looking for a quarter to flip. What? I had to be fair...)**

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: *pulls out a coin & tosses it*** Tails! I win!

**Elphaba's Girl: *is disappointed* **Fine. ***walks over to NellytheActress* **Wanna sing "Popular"?

**NellytheActress: **YES!

**Elphaba's Girl: *walks back over to Wickedly Hope Pancake* **There. Now that that's settled, we can BOTH sing "For Good."

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **Well...I _guess _that works out...

**TheWickedrae: *runs onstage in full Elphaba drag* **WAIT! I WANNA SING TOO!

**Amy Duncan(Good luck Charlie): **GOOD GRIEF! HOW MANY OF YOU ARE THERE?

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: *ignores Amy Duncan*** Okay...Any preferences?

**TheWicekrae: **Ooh! "NO GOOD DEED!"

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **Okay! You can sing that!

**TheWickedrae: **YAY!

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: *stands up on a table* **ALRIGHT EVERYBODY! LET'S SING SOME WICKED SONGS!

**Elphaba's Girl: *looks up at Wickedly Hope Pancake* **Umm...WHY are you standing on a table?

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: *jumps off the table* **I thought it would get everybody's attention.

**NellytheActress: **I think you did a pretty good job of that with the whole Elphaba thing... ***motions to the three Elphies* **I mean...come on! There's THREE of you! Who WOULDN'T notice you?!

**TheWickedrae: **Well, we all wanted to play Elphaba...

**NellytheActress: *shrugs & goes back to eating a happy meal***

**Elphaba's Girl:** What song should we start with?

**NellytheActress: **OOH! "POPULAR"! ***pulls out a makeup kit***

**The Three Elphabas(like the tree musketeers. lol): **Oh no...

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **Who are we gonna make do the song with her?

**Elphaba's Girl and TheWickedrae: *look at Wickedly Hope pancake***

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: *looks scared*** oh no...

* * *

***NellytheActress is singing "Popular" and giving Wickedly Hope Pancake a makeover***

**NellytheActress:** POPULAR!

YOU'RE GONNA BE POPULAR!

YOU'LL HANG WITH THE RIGHT COHORTS!

YOU'LL BE GOOD AT SPORTS!

KNOW THE SLANG YOU'VE GOT TO KNOW!

SO LET'S START!

CAUSE YOU'VE GOT AN AWFULLY LONG WAY TO GO...

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: *is mad* **I never agreed to this. ***NellytheActress pulls out some lipstick* **AAAAAHHH! SOMEBODY'S GONNA PAY FOR THIS!

***Elphaba's Girl and TheWickedrae are filming her with their cell phones***

**NellytheActress: **Hold STILL! ***is trying to get makeup onto Wickedly Hope Pancake* **Seriously! Elphaba never protested this much!

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: *takes lipstick and chucks it out the window*** Well, if you hadn't noticed...I DON'T DO MAKEUP!

**NellytheActress: **Aw. My lipstick!

**TheWickedrae: **Hey, can I sing my song now?

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: *glares* **Sure! Knock yourself out!

**Wickedrae: **YAAAY! ***pulls out the Grimmerie and starts chanting***

ELEKA NAHMEN ATUM ATUM ELEKA NAHMEN!

ELEKA NAHMEN ATUM ATUM ELEKA NAHMEN!

***random guy turns into a scarecrow***

**Random Guy:** AUGHH! MY FACE! ***runs away screaming***

**TheWickedrae: **Oh my Oz I am SO SORRY! HERE! ***chucks a Happy meal at him* **HAVE A HAPPY MEAL!

**Random guy: *gets hit in the head***

**NellytheActress:** LAST ONE TO TO THE PLAYPLACE IS A MUNCHKIN! ***climbs into the tunnel***

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **OOH! WAIT FORM ME! ***runs after NellytheActress***

**Ross Lynch: *is talking to the manager* **WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE PANCAKES?!

**Throppsister: **Ooookayyy... Can I sing now? ***looks around* **Just me? Okay then... ***starts singing "The Wicked Witch of the East***

**Other Random guy: *claps*** YOU GO GIRL! ***throws money at her***

* * *

***BACK AT THE GERSHWIN***

**Director: *is in Vegas***

**Nurse: *is eating a pretzel* **

***the rest of the cast arrive back from the hospital***

**Glinda:** HI PEOPLE! I'M BACK! ***runs onstage and falls over***

**Elphaba: *walks onstage with crutches*** Yeah...she's still a little tipsy. ***whispers to the director* **She has a concussion.

**Glinda: *is talking to her shoe* **I HEARD THAT! AND I DO NOT! ***goes back to talking to her shoe***

**Fiyero: *runs onstage*** AUGGGHH! THE PURPLE ELEPHANTS ARE COMING!

**Nurse: *looks over at Elphaba* **Lemme guess: concussion?

**Elphaba: *cackles* **What gave it away?

**Nessa: *runs onstage wearing her jeweled shoes* **Boq? WHERE ARE YOU?!

**Boq: *is still in his body cast* **Aw SHIZ!

* * *

**NEXT CHAPTER IS THE GOVERNOR'S MANSION SCENE! YAAAAY!  
**

**(and all you guys who were in this chapter, what do ya think? Did I get your characters right?) **

**Review & get a Fiyero! (and no, I don't mean Ross Lynch. I mean _Fiyero._) ;)**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hey people! Sorry for the delayed update...Pretty Funny has kept me pretty busy, AND I've had this MAJOR case of writer's block. AAAnyway...without further adue, Chapter 16! :D**

* * *

***All cast & standbys are standing onstage***

**Steven Schwartz: *walks onstage*** OKAY PEOPLE! LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!

**NellytheActress: *raises her hand* **Excuse me? Where's the Director?

**TheWickedRae: *whispers to her* **I think you mean the theater nurse...

**NellytheActress: **No...I mean the Director. Where'd she go, anyway?!

**Steven Schwartz: *looks down at his clipboard* **Says here that she ran away to join the circus.

**Throppsister: *raises her hand* **What about the nurse?

**Steven Schwartz: *looks down at clipboard again*** She was carted off to the hospital's mental ward.

**Fiyero: **Heh. That's ironic.

**Steven Schwartz: *looks suspiciously at Fiyero, Boq, Glinda, NellytheActress, TheWickedRae, Wickedly Hope Pancake and Elphaba***

**Fiyero, Boq, Glinda, Wickedly Hope Pancake, NellytheActress, TheWickedRae, Wickedly Hope Pancake and Elphaba: **WHAT?!

**Steven Schwartz: **I'm watching you... ***looks at them creepily* **Aaaanyway...let's get going!

**Tony: **Ooh! Where are we going?

**Elphaba's Girl: *raises her hand* **Umm... can we get rid of them? ***looks over at Tony, Ross Lynch and Amy Duncan* **They're sort of annoying...

**Tony: **Hey!

**Amy Duncan: **I AM NOT LEAVING THIS STAGE UNTIL I GET MY BROADWAY DEBUT!

**Morrible: *runs onstage and pushes her into the Orchestra pit***

**Orchestra members: *throw her back onstage***

**Steven Schwartz: *looks at all the people onstage* **Okay, all Disney stars get off the stage!

**TheWickedRae: **YES! FINALLY! ***says a random spell from the Grimmerie and makes them all disappear* **

**Steven Schwartz: *is slightly scared* **How'd she do that?

**Elphaba: *shrugs* **It's a parody. Anything can happen. ***looks all scary* **ANYTHING.

**Steven Schwartz: **Okaaaay... ***looks down at his clipboard* **GOVERNOR'S MANSION SCENE! ANYONE WHO'S NOT IN THIS SCENE, GET OF THE STAGE!

***Fiyero, Morrible, Galinda, NellytheActress and Chistery run offstage***

**Steven Schwartz:** ACTION!

**Elphaba, Elphaba's Girl, Wickedly Hope Pancake and TheWickedRae all crowd into the wardrobe***

**Wickedly Hope Pancake:** I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!

**Elphaba: **YEAH, WELL AT LEAST YOU AREN'T CLAUSTROPHOBIC!

**TheWickedRae: **NESSA HAD BETTER HURRY UP AND SAY HER LINES!

**Throppsister: *looks around* **Where the heck is Nessa?!

**Nessa: *runs after Boq offstage* **COME BACK MY LITTLE BOQ-IKINS!

**Throppsister: *looks slightly freaked out* **Oookay...

**Elphaba's Girl: **SOMEONE SAY NESSA'S LINES ALREADY! I CAN'T BREATHE!

**Throppsister: **IV'EASKEDYOUTOCALLMENESSAROSE,REMEMBER? ***screams offstage* **BOQ!

**Elphaba, Elphaba's Girl, Wickedly Hope Pancake and TheWickedRa: *fall out of the Wardrobe* **

**Elphaba: *is crushed under her three standbys*** Well...it seem the beautiful get more beautiful, while... OH FOR THE LOVE OF OZ WHO'S FOOT IS IN MY FACE?!

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **Oops! Sorry!

**Elphaba: *gets up* **Why do I have THREE standbys?

**Steven Schwartz: **ELPHABA, IT DOESN'T MATTER! JUST SAY YOUR LINES!

**Elphaba: **FINE! ***turns to Throppsister* **YOU GOTTA HELP ME DEFY THE WIZARD!

**Throppsister: **Those aren't your lines...

**Elphaba:** IT DOESN'T MATTER!

**Throppsister: **But-

**Elphaba: **IT DOESN'T MATTER!

**Throppsister: **Okay, Okay! ***looks over at Steven Schwartz* **DO I SHRINK BOQ'S HEART NOW?

**Steven Schwartz: **FIRST YOU GOTTA SING "WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST"

**Throppsister: **OKAY!

ALL OF MY LIFE I DEPENDED ON YOU!

HOW DO YOU THINK THAT FEELS?

ALL OF MY LIFE I DEPENDED ON YOU

AND THIS HIDIOUS CHAIR WITH WHEELS!

SCROUNGING FOR SCRAPS OF PITY TO PICK UP

AND LONGING

TO KICK UP MY HEELS

**TheWickedRae: *grabs the Grimmerie and runs over to Throppsister* **HIYA NAT! I'M GONNA ENCHANT YOUR SHOES NOW!

**Throppsister: **Sweet! Okay, go for it!

**Elphaba: *takes the Grimmerie from TheWickedRae* **NO! THIS IS MY LINE!

**TheWickedRae: *takes the Grimmerie back from Elphaba* **NO! I WANNA SAY IT!

**Throppsister: *gets up from her chair* **Umm...guys? You do know that I can just get up, right?

***Elphaba and TheWickedRae go all catfight mode***

**Throppsister: *stands up and yells offstage* **BOQ! GET YOU BUTT OUT HERE! I CAN WALK NOW AND I NEED TO SHRINK YOUR HEART!

**Boq: *runs onstage and hides behind Throppsister* **OKAY! OKAY! DO IT QUICK BEFORE NESSA SEES ME...

**NellytheActress: *runs onstage* **WAIT! WAITTT! I WANNA SHRINK BIQ'S HEART!

**Boq: **OH FOR OZ' SAKE! IT'S BOOOOQ! BOOOQQQQ! HOW HARD IS THST TO REMEMBER?!

**Elphaba: **WHAT THE HECK IS THE GLINDA STANDBY DOING ONSTAGE?!

**Steven Schwartz: **NellytheActress! Get off the stage!

**NellytheActress: **NO! I WANNA SHRINK A MUNCHKIN HEART, AND I'M GONNA DO IT!

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **OOH! OOH! I WANNA SHRINK HIS HEART TOO!

**Boq: **Um...I'm scared... ***hides behind Elphaba***

**NellytheActress: **I WANNA SHRINK HIS HEART!

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **SO DO I!

**Nurse: *randomly runs onstage* **HELP! HELP! THE ALIENS HAVE TAKEN OVER NEW YORK!

**Elphaba's Girl: **Oh look! There's the nurse!

**TheWickedRae: *whispers* **She doesn't look mentally stable...

***nurse is wearing a tinfoil hat and talking to Nessa's chair***

**Steven Schwartz: *is talking to the security staff*** ...I still don't know how she got back in here...

**NellytheActress: **I WANNA SHRINK HIS HEART!

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: *throws a cookie at NellytheActress*** I WANNA SHRINK HIS HEART!

**NellytheActress:** NO! I WANNA SHRINK HIS HEART! ***chucks her shoe at Wickedly Hope Pancake but misses and hits Boq***

**Boq:** OW! WHAT THE HECK?!

**NellytheActress: **SORRY BIQ! ***grabs the Grimmerie from Elphaba*** NOW GET BACK HERE SO I CAN SHRINK YOUR HEART!

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **NO! GET BACK HERE! ***grabs the Grimmerie***

**NellytheActress:** NEVER! ***chucks Wickedly Hope Pancake at Steven Schwartz***

**Steven Schwartz:** MY FACE!

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **SORRY!

**Steven Schwartz: *throws her back onstage***

**Nurse: *grabs NellytheActress*** HELP! HELP! TELL GRANDPA THE PURPLE ENCHILADAS ARE FROZEN AND ZEBRAS ARE HORRIBLE AT MATH!

**NellytheActress: *slaps the nuse***

**Nurse:** GET YO PAWS OFF ME EASTER BUNNY!

**NellytheActress: *throws the Nurse into the Garbage can***

**Steven Schwartz:** Oookay...this has been..._interesting..._But...I gotta...go somewhere...

**Elphaba, Galinda, Fiyero, Nessa, Boq, Chistery, Morrible, TheWickedRae, Elphaba's Girl, Wickedly Hope Pancake, Throppsister and NellytheActress: *surround Steven Schwartz***

**Elphaba:** You're not going anywhere.

**Steven Schwartz: *is scared***

**Wickedly Hope Pancake:** WAIT! I GOTTA TURN BOQ INTO THE TIN MAN! ***grabs the Grimmerie from Elphaba***

VIVAHLOS VIVAHLOS MENO NON CORDO MENO

VIVAHLOS VIVAHLOS MENO NON CORDO

**Steven Schwartz: *turns into the tin man***

**Throppsister:** Ooooh! You're in trouble now!

**Steven Schwartz: *looks REALLY mad***

**NellytheActress: *whispers* **Hope...You better run...

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **YOU CAN'T TAKE ME ALIVE! ***jumps into the Orchestra pit***

**Steven Schwartz:** I QUIT!

**Director: *flies onstage wearing a Hawaiian shirt* **CUE THE SCENE CHANGE!

* * *

**What did you think? Reviews make me write faster! :D**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hi people! Chapter 17, FINALLY! Sorry about the REALLY loooong wait! Flying monkeys for all of you! :)**

**Now, ON WITH THE SNOW! (Sorry, Global warming on the brain...) I MEAN SHOW!**

* * *

**Elphaba: *is trying to find a spell in the Grimmerie to de-scarecrow-ify Steven Schwartz***

**Glinda: *is teaching her standby how to toss her hair***

**Fiyero: *is doing stuff Fiyeros do***

**Director: *still has wings, but has taken her rightful place back in her director's chair***

**Boq: *is off somewhere hiding from Nessa***

**Nessa: *is being her usual clingy, stalker-ish self***

**Nurse: *is being carted away to the hospital's mental ward***

**Wizard: *is lost somewhere***

**Director: *pulls out her megaphone*** ALRIGHTY PEOPLE! LET'S GET THIS SCENE STARTED!

**Elphaba's Girl: *raises her hand* **Um, where's the Wizard?

**Director: *looks around* **ELPHABA! WHERE'S THE WIZARD?

**Elphaba: **HOW THE HECK SHOULD I KNOW? ASK MORRIBLE!

**Morrible: *****looks confused* **WHAT?! I DON'T SPEAK FRENCH!

**Director: **Oookaaay...***pulls out a copy of the Grimmerie* **HEY! ONE OF YOU STANDBYS GET UP HERE!

**Standbys: *fight and claw each other to get offstage***

**TheWickedRae: *makes it out of the catfight first*** I AM WILLING TO DO IT WHATEVER IT IS!

**Director: *chucks the Grimmerie at her* **Go find the Wizard.

**TheWickedRae: *is excited* **YAAAAAAY! OKAY! ***says a random spell and disappears in a puff of smoke***

**Elphaba: **HEY, NO FAIR! WHAT SPELL IS THAT?! I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS A SPELL LIKE THAT IN THERE! NOT FAIR!

**Director: *chucks a soda can at Elphaba* **NO! BAD ELPHABA!

**Elphaba: *throws the soda can back at her and hits her in the head***

**Director: *swears words not suitable for F F .net* **

**Elphaba:** Aw, COME ON! DRAMATIC MUCH? I DIDN'T THROW IT THAT HARD!

**Director: *sticks her tongue out at Elphaba* **ALRIGHT! CUE THE SCENE! ANYBODY WHO'S NOT IN THIS SCENE GET OFF THE STAGE BEFORE I THROW A PEPSI AT YOUR HEAD!

***Boq, Morrible, Nessa, Throppsister and Fiyero run offstage very VERY scared***

**Director:** HEY YOU! ***chucks a soda at NellytheActress* **WHY ARE YOU STILL ONSTAGE?

**NellytheActress: *is slightly scared* **I figured I could stay onstage since TheWickedRae left to go find the Wizard...

**Director: *chucks a Pepsi at the other Elphaba standbys* **ONE OF YOU GET OFF THE STAGE!

**Elphaba standbys: *look at each other***

**Wickedly Hope Pancake:** I'm not getting off the stage!

**Elphaba's Girl: **Don't look at me!

**Throppsister: *looks around* **I'm not even an Elphaba standby! I'm the standby for Nessa!

**Director: *looks ready to throw a whole box of soda at the standbys* **WELL...ONE OF YOU HAD BETTER GET OFF THIS STAGE BEFORE SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS TO ALL OF YOU!

**Doglover645: *runs onstage* **WAIT! I WANNA STANDBY FOR NESSA!

**Director: **OH FOR THE LOVE OF OZ!

**Nessa: *acts all Galinda-like* **YAAAY! I GET ANOTHER STANDBY! YEEEEEE! ***hugs Doglover645***

**NellytheActress: *whispers to Elphaba's Girl*** What's wrong with Nessa?

**Elphaba's Girl: *looks over at Elphaba, who is still hugging her new standby* **I'm guessing heatstroke. We've been onstage for more than three hours.

***Nessa is now doing Gangnam style***

**Elphaba's Girl: *nods*** Yup. Definitely Heatstroke.

**NellytheActress: **Oh.

**TheWickedRae: *runs onstage dragging a huge sack* **HEY PEOPLE GUESS WHAT I'M BACK!

**Nessa: **HEY GUESS WHAT! WE GOT A NEW STANDBY! ***falls over from heatstroke***

**Director: *facepalms***

**TheWickedRae:** NESSA! ***ignores her and pushes the giant sack over to center stage* **HEY! GUESS WHAT I FOUND IN THE TUNNELS UNDER THE STAGE!

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **OOH! OOH! RUMPELSTILTSKIN!

**NellytheActress: *slaps her***

**TheWickedRae:** NO! ANY OTHER GUESSES?

**Doglover645: **Umm...a million dollars?

**TheWickedRae: **NO! ***the sack starts moving so she kicks it* **You people are TERRIBLE at guessing!***pulls a very confused Wizard out of the sack* **IT'S THE WIZARD FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

**Everybody: **Ohhhhhh...

**Director: *facepalms* **

**Doglover645: *looks slightly disturbed* **Umm...why is he tied up?

**Wizard: *has a gag over his mouth* **MMmmmPHFFffm!

**TheWickedRae: **So he wouldn't try to run away of course!

**NellytheActress: **Oookaaay... ***backs away slowly***

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: *stares at the Wizard* **I think he's trying to eat the gag on his mouth...

***others turn to stare at the Wizard***

**TheWickedRae: *throws a Pepsi at the Wizard***

**Wizard: *spazzes out*** Mmmmphfffff!

**Director: *flies onstage* **OKAY! TORTURE TIME IS OVER! ***waves Glinda's wand over the Wizard* **ALL BETTER!

**Wizard: *is magically untied* **YOU PEOPLE ARE NUTS! NUTS I TELL YOU! ***tries to run away but trips and falls over Nessa***

**Nessa: *wakes up* **Um...OW!

**Elphaba: *is watching them all and smiling* **Soooo...Is the Wizard gonna sing now?

**Wizard: **NO! I AM NOT GOING TO SING FOR YOU CRAZY PEOPLE! YOU PEOPLE BELONG IN THE LOONY BIN!

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **Uh, actually...the Nurse already got sent to the mental ward.

**Wizard: *has nothing to say to that***

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: *smiles***

**Wizard: *looks around*** Okay, how about this: I sing, and then I get to leave and never come back!

**Director: **Um...actually, the script says-

**Elphaba: *interrupts her* **DEAL!

**Wizard: **AMAN'SCALLEDATRAITORORLIBERATORARICHMAN'SATHEIFORPHILANTHROPISTISONEACRUSADERORRUTHLESSINVADERIT'SALLINWHICHLABELISABLETOPERSISTTHEREAREPRECIOUSFEWATEASEWITHMORALAMBIGUITIESSOWEACTASIFTHEYDON'TEXIST! ***takes a breath***

WONDERFUL!

THEY CALL ME WONDERFUL!

IN FACT IT'S SO MUCH WHO I AM IT'S PART OF MY NAME!

AND WITH MY HELP YOU CAN BE THE SAME!

**Elphaba: **Okay Wizard! You're done! ***shoves him offstage* **Okay! Next scene!

**Doglover645: *wheels herself onstage in Nessa's chair* **YAAAY! I WANNA SING!

**Director: *flips through the script* **We already did the Governor's mansion scene...

**Throppsister: *****chucks a Pepsi at the Director* **We're gonna sing anyway!

**Doglover645: **WE?

**Throppsister: **Yes, We. ***looks all dark and scary* **You got a problem with that?!

**Doglover645: *looks very scared* **Noooo...

**Elphaba: *looks over at Nessa* **I see you've been teaching your standby the ways of the Nessa.

**Nessa: *looks all proud* **Yes, yes I have! ***pauses* **Wait...was that sarcasm?

**Elphaba: *laughs***

**Throppsister&Doglover645: **

ALL OF MY LIFE I'VE DEPENDED ON YOU HOW DO YOU THINK THAT FEELS?

ALL OF MY LIFE I'VE DEPENDED ON YOU AND THIS HIDEOUS CHAIR WITH WHEELS!

SCROUNGING FOR SCRAPS OF PITY TO PICK UP

AND LONGING TO KICK UP MY HEELS!

**Nessa: *is watching her standbys* **Awww! They're SOOO CUTE!

**Director: **BOQ! GET YOUR BUT OUT HERE!

**Boq: *is backstage* **NO!

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **DON'T WORRY! I GOT THIS! ***grabs a Pepsi and chucks it behind the stage***

**Boq: **OW! ***falls onstage* **I HATE YOU PEOPLE!

**Director: **BOQ! LET THE STANDBYS SHRINK YOUR HEART!

**NellytheActress: **OOH! OOH! I WANNA SHRINK ME A MUNCHKIN HEART!

**Boq: *looks VERY scared* **Why are all you people out to get me?

**Throppsister: *pulls out the Grimmerie* **A- tum Ah tum-

**Boq: *chucks a Pepsi and knocks the book out of her hands* **NO!

**Throppsister: **AW, COME ON!

**Boq: **HAHA! CAN'T CATCH ME NOW! AHAHAHHAHAHA! ***runs offstage***

**Doglover645: *gets up and runs after him*** YOU GET BACK HERE MISTER! ***jumps and tackles him***

**Boq: *is very afraid* **NOT THE FACE! NOT THE FACE!

**Elphaba& her standbys: *are watching the whole thing* **

**Elphaba: **HeY! Who wants to go to Red Robin?

**Elphaba's girl: **OOH OOH! ME!

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: *giggles* **RED ROBIN!

**NellytheActress, Elphaba's Girl, TheWickedRae and Elphaba: **YUMMMM!

**Steven Schwartz: **HELLO? SOMEBODY FORGET I'M STILL A SCARECROW?!


	18. Chapter 18

**Director: *is sitting in her director's chair*  
**

**Doglover645 and Throppsister: *are still trying to shrink Boq's heart***

**Nessa: *thinks her standbys are cute***

**Elphaba: *is at Red Robin with her Standbys***

**Fiyero: *is dancing ballet* **

**NellytheActress: *is fighting with Glinda about the proper way to Galindafiy Elphaba***

**Steven Schwartz: *is still a scarecrow***

**Director: *pulls out a random megaphone*** OKAY PEOPLE! NEXT SCENE! GO!

**NellytheActress: **WE CAN'T DO THE SCENE WITHOUT ELPHABA!

**Elphaba: *walks onstage eating a cheeseburger* **Hey people! I'm back!

***Elphaba's standbys run onstage***

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: *is dragging a huge bag filled with french fries* **WE'RE BACK TOO!

**Doglover645: **Umm...what's with the giant bag of french fries?

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **Well...you know how Red Robin has "bottomless" french fries?

**NellytheActress: **They do?

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **They do. ***opens up her giant bag of french fries* **SOOOOooo...I took TheWickedRae's bag and I kept dumping my french fries in there!

**TheWickedRae: **HEY!

**Doglover645: **And they kept giving you MORE?

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **Well, DUH! They did say that the french fries were BOTTOMLESS! If they didn't give me more then it would be FALSE ADVERTISING!

**Throppsister: **Can I have some?

**Wickedly Hope Pancake:** NO!

**Director: *chucks a pretzel at Wickedly Hope Pancake* **GET YOUR FRENCH FRIES OFF THE STAGE AND GET MOVING!

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: *drags her gigantic sack of French fries offstage* **FINE!

**Director: **AND ALL THE REST OF YOU STANDBYS GET OFF THE STAGE!

**Standbys: **AAAAAAWWWW! WHYYYY?

**Doglover645 and Throppsister: **WE DIDN'T EVEN GET TO SHRINK BOQ'S HEART YET!

**NellytheActress: **Get over it. I didn't get to shrink his heart either!

**Director: **JUST GET OFF THE STAGE! ***gets ready to throw something***

***Standbys all run offstage***

**Director:** THANK YOU!

**Wickedly Hope Pancake:** YOU'RE WELCOME!

**Director: *facepalms* **ALRIGHT NOW THE ACTUAL CAST GET OUT HERE!

**Elphaba: *walks onstage still eating her cheeseburger***

**Fiyero: *walks onstage in a tutu***

**Nessa: *walks onstage wearing her jeweled shoes ***

**NellytheActress: *walks onstage***

**Director: **NELLYTHEACTRESS, GET OFF THE STAGE! WHERE'S GLINDA?!

**NellytheActress: **I AM GLINDA!

**Elphaba: *looks over at the Director: **Umm...she looks like she can sing...I VOTE WE KEEP HER!

**NellytheActress: **YAY! ***smiles***

**Director:** NO! SHE ISN'T GLINDA! WHERE'S THE ACTUAL GLINDA THAT I CAST FOR THE ROLE?

**Fiyero: **Wait...does that mean that I'm engaged to HER now?

**Director: **OH FOR PETE'S SAKE! WHERE'S GLINDA?!

**Fiyero: **WE DON'T KNOW JUST STOP YELLING!

**Director: **ONE OF YOU STANDBYS GET OUT HERE! NOW!

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: *walks onstage eating french fries* **

**Director: *looks over at the Sound Guy* **That was fast.

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: **OKAY SO WHAT SO I DO?

**Director: *tosses her a flashlight* **Go find Glinda!

**Wickedly Hope Pancake:** OKAY! ***runs offstage* **YAAAAAY!

**Director: *looks over at the actual cast(and NellytheActress)* **OKAY! NEXT SCENE! GO!

**Elphaba: *****looks around*** This is the scene where Fiyero and I run away together, right?**  
**

**Director: *facepalms***

**NellytheActress: **FIYERO HAVE YOU MISPLACED YOUR MIND?! ***runs over and slaps Fiyero***

**Fiyero:** OZ, WOMAN! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!

**NellytheActress: *giggles* **I just REALLY wanted to say that line.

**Fiyero: *glares* **

**Elphaba: **FIYERO LET'S RUN AWAY TOGETHER!

**Fiyero: **OKAY!

**Fiyero & Elphaba: *skip offstage* **WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD! THE WONDERFUL WIZARD OF OZ!

**Elphaba: *is offstage now* **WAIT...THE WIZARD ISN'T WONDERFUL! HE'S A LYING, NO-GOOD JERK! HE KILLED DOCTOR DILLAMOND! ***slaps Fiyero***

**Fiyero: **WILL YOU PEOPLE STOP SLAPPING ME?!

**Random Goat: *walks onstage* **BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Elphaba: **DOCTOR DILLAMOND! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ***runs away***

**Fiyero: **ELPHABA, WAIT FOR ME! ***runs away after her***

**Doctor Dillamond: *runs onstage*** AM I LATE?

**Everyone: **YES!

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: *runs onstage* **HEY PEOPLE! I FOUND GLINDA!

**Glinda: *runs onstage* **WHERE'S FIYERO?!

**NellytheActress: *is filing her nails* **He left. With Elphaba. You're welcome.

**Director: **NELLYTHEACTRESS!

**Glinda:** FIYERO! **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!** ***Has a nervous breakdown***

**Director: **Oh, GOOD JOB! YOU BROKE GLINDA!

**NellytheActress: **All part of my plan... ***grins evilly and starts singing I'm Not That Girl***

THERE'S A GIRL I KNOW

HE LOVES HER SO...

I'M NOT THAT GIRL...

**Director: *throws a shoe at her* **YOU BROKE GLINDA!

**NellytheActress: *throws a standby at the Director* **I AM GLINDA!

**Wickedly Hope Pancake: *is backstage* **OKAY! WHO ATE MY FRENCH FRIES?!


End file.
